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The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 3

May. 15 All, Articles, DVD, Entertainment, Features, Movies, Promos By Hyphen, TV, Wrestling 1 comment

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Here there be a finale! Make sure to catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 if you need to.

Best PPV: Extreme Rules

Ironically enough, the PPV that caused me to make a scene at my friend Moose’s home is my favorite of the season. Other than Big Show getting robbed of his WrestleMania redemption by accidentally stepping through a table in his rematch with Cody, there’s not much I had issues with (other than Cena getting beat on for 15+ minutes before he Super Cena-ed Brock into a loss). Punk and Jericho’s feud ended on a high note, with Punk retaining in a Street Fight near his hometown of Chicago, Orton got revenge against Kane for his ‘Mania loss, and Sheamus retained his World Title in a great 2-out-of-3 Falls match. And Ryback squashed some local wrestlers!

Honorable Mention: Royal Rumble. Again, this might be bias since I actually watched this full event and the fact that it was the first PPV I purchased since Extreme Rules. But this was a solid event from start to finish (other than The Rock getting a second chance to defeat Punk). ADR retained against Show, our boy Cena won an entertaining Rumble match (albeit a bit predictable), and Hell No beat Rhodes Scholars to keep the Tag Belts before Punk carried The Rock through the 20+ minute WWE Title match. And WWE creative just dropped the ball too many times with the rest of the PPVs throughout the season.

Worst PPV: WrestleMania NY/NJ

The problem with this year’s ‘Mania was the fact that it never felt like WrestleMania. The Shield v. Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show kicked things off okay and the Tag Team Title match and Henry v. Ryback weren’t bad either but it all train wrecked with Fandango and Jericho. Considering that this was Fandango’s first WWE match and it was on The Grandest Stage Of Them All, Jericho carried him the whole match. ADR and Swagger followed them but they weren’t allowed the time needed for the crowd to get into their match. ‘Taker and Punk did what everyone expected them to do: Steal the show, but with 2 more matches remaining after the match of the night, it was a bit worrisome. My fears were correct as Lesnar/Trips II bored the crowd to tears and then Rock/Cena II for the WWE Title tucked them into their graves. Sure, The Rock suffered an injury during the match but that’s not an excuse. And I blame Rock here fully for this travesty because our boy Cena just put in work with CM Punk on Raw a few weeks earlier. And maybe Cena didn’t try his best to carry Rock like Punk did in the previous PPVs. Maybe he knew how shitty things had gotten. Definitely the worst WrestleMania I’ve watched since I started buying them each year with XXVI.

Dishonorable Mention: Elimination Chamber. Aside from the SmackDown Elimination Chamber and The Shield 6-Man Tag Match. Everything else was pretty yawn inducing, including Rock/Punk II for the WWE Title. And according to Wikipedia, my dude Punk had Rock covered for 18 seconds. 18 seconds! But the referee was knocked out. Unacceptable.

Comeback Wrestler of The Year: Daniel Bryan

What do you mean Bryan had a great 2011-2012 season? He held the United State Championship and the World Title? So what. That doesn’t mean anything to me, considering I despised the guy for a large chunk of that time. Bryan’s work this season has been far more impressive.

Despite his loss at ‘Mania XXVIII, Bryan got over, as “Yes!” chants rained down upon him as soon as he stepped on the stage. His feud with Sheamus ended at Extreme Rules, so he set his sights on Punk’s WWE Championship. After a close loss at Over The Limit, he entered a feud with Kane, Punk, and former girlfriend AJ. This feud helped set up 2 more WWE Title matches against Punk, got AJ over as the WWE Universe discovered how crazy she is, and built the foundations of a feud with Kane that led to the formation of Team Hell No. He also managed to transition from a full heel to a ‘tweener to a face in a short matter of months effortlessly. Not to mention that he’s one of the top five technically sound wrestlers in the WWE today, he has an epic beard, and he’s dating a Bella Twin. If that’s not a comeback, I don’t know what is.

Honorable Mention: Sheamus. While The Great White did hold the United States Title and won his first World Heavyweight Championship in the 2011-2012 season, I didn’t expect this season to go so well for him. However, he held the World Title for 210 days before losing it to Big Show in October, defended the Title repeatedly against the best Raw and SmackDown had to offer, helped The Shield get over, and solidified his place as one of WWE’s best faces. Time will tell when his next Title reign will be but don’t be surprised to see him challenging for Wrestler of the Year next year.

Disappointing Wrestler Of The Year: Randy Orton

  • Didn’t win any championship belts.
  • Didn’t turn heel.
  • Used primarily as either a jobber for mid-carders or someone who’s about to get a Title shot. Or used to squash heel jobbers. Or stuck in pointless tag teams that don’t even get opportunities at the Tag Belts.
  • Suspended 60 days for second violation of WWE’s Wellness Program.

Before I joined the Punk bandwagon in 2011, there was Randy. It was sometime in 2008 when I realized he was no longer the corny Legend Killer from Legacy and had become a bonafide monster heel. I’d even go so far to say he was the first heel I rooted for since The Rock’s Corporation days in 1999. And to see him be so grossly misused to the point where he has matches where he’s barely interested…it sucks. Of course, WWE is playing it safe since Randy’s one violation away from being fired. But…does anyone know if they’re testing Dwayne each time he comes back? Just saying. If Randy goes to TNA, I’m watching Impact every week from now on. That’s a promise, jack.

Dishonorable Mention: Rey Mysterio. I’ve never been his biggest fan but I have always enjoyed Rey’s in-ring work. He was only active from July to March this past season but Rey didn’t look like Rey. Blame it on the injury he suffered that held him out for 10 months, blame it on the weight he gained, blame it on being teamed with Sin Cara, or WWE’s unwillingness to truly use him after his second Wellness violation but his whole season was ugly. Hopefully his next run will return him back to form, despite the bang up job Del Rio has been doing as WWE’s latino face.

Rookie Of The Year: Ryback

There’s no denying this one. And I’m going by how long he’s been known as Ryback for any of you out there screaming about Skip Sheffield. To go from squashing local wrestlers to a feud with Jinder Mahal to three WWE Championship matches with Punk and our boy Cena in less than a year…that’s pretty incredible.

And Vince’s love of monster wrestlers aside, he’s earned it. He’s gotten over, managed to get kids and adults alike to chant “Feed! Me! More!”, helped get The Shield over (he’s jobbed to them no less than 3 times and has been Triple Powerbombed the most out of anyone on the WWE roster), and has become one of the most consistent workers WWE has to offer. His season ended in disappointment with a loss to Mark Henry at ‘Mania NY/NJ but there’s no mistaking his impact since he arrived on April 6. His heel turn in recent weeks (that has come with a new catchphrase: “Ryback Rules”, which I love.) is only a shove in the right direction as he’s back in the WWE Title picture with a match looming with our boy John Cena at Extreme Rules.

The only knock against him is his injuring Punk in November and making me lose out for the whole month of December. You can’t win them all I guess.

Honorable Mention: Antonio Cesaro. Narrowly beating out Damien Sandow for a tie (due to WWE stagnating both he and Rhodes by refusing to let them win the Tag Titles), Cesaro showed an amazing amount of skill in the ring and on the microphone since his debut in April. His 240 day reign as United States Champion was the second longest Title reign of the season after Punk’s 300 days (or 434, never forget). His Neutralizer finisher is one of the strongest I’ve seen in a long time…

…but for some reason, WWE buried him at the end of the season, putting him on the pre-show of the Rumble, letting him get dumped out of the Rumble by our boy Cena, shoving him in the undercard of a weak Elimination Chamber PPV and denying him any type of WrestleMania moment by not having him on the card at all. His 2013-2014 season hasn’t started any better since he dropped the Belt to Kofi 8 days after NY/NJ. Hopefully, this isn’t a sign of his falling out of favor because I really dig Cesaro. I just hope WWE creative still does as well.

Worst Wrestler Of The Year: Brock Lesnar

I missed Brock’s entire first run in WWE and after a Wikipedia read, it looks like he was a lot more interesting then than he is now. The whole weekend in Miami last year, I heard two names: Brock Lesnar and Batista. Apparently, both had been resigned by WWE and were expected at either XXVIII or the night after Raw. While the Batista rumor never came to fruition, Brock showed up and F-5-ed our boy Cena into oblivion on the first Raw of the season. Their feud continued up until Extreme Rules, with Cena winning one of the most brutal professional wrestling matches in recent memory. Surely, this feud would continue to Over The Limit and beyond.

Nope. Instead, Lesnar broke Triple H’s arm the next night on Raw and then quit the company shortly after. And wasn’t seen again until he broke Shawn Michaels’ arm on the August 13th Raw.1 Limited appearances in his contract aside, 105 days with no Brock is stupid. The Cena feud was dropped as he picked up on Punk’s feud with John Laurinaitis for 2 PPVs. There has still been little mention of a return to it but with the WWE Title around our boy Cena and Brock’s new contract extension, one would imagine this is the year he gets the Gold back.

But overall? Three matches. 1-2. I haven’t watched the SummerSlam match but if NY/NJ was any indicator, I didn’t miss much. I just haven’t seen any of what made Brock so great during his first run. And with a third match with Trips on deck for Extreme Rules (this time in a steel cage!), I don’t expect my opinion to change. I hope this season sees him on television more and feuding with more than 2 wrestlers. I hope I get to see what made him The Next Big Thing. But all I’ve seen is The Big Bore and little else. And amazing manager work by Paul Heyman. I’m a Paul Heyman guy by the way.

Dishonorable Mention: Tensai. Poor Prince Albert. At least, that’s what he was called when I last saw him in WWE. After debuting the night after XXVIII, he squashed jobbers and scored wins over Punk and Cena in the following weeks. Then he started losing…the rest of the season. Then he got put into a tag team with Brodus Clay called Tons of Funk. Now he dances on WWE TV at least once a week. Maybe Ryback’s rise to main event status didn’t help but WWE creative stopped trying really quickly with this guy. They kept bringing him out like he was some big threat and then Santino would beat him in three minutes. He hasn’t gone away so at least his contract seems to be up to par but this run has been terrible for him. I hope he’s feuding with Brodus within a month or so.

Wrestler Of The Year: CM Punk

I promise you, I really tried to find a reason not to give this award to Punk. But after searching high and low, climbing a mountain, taking a nap, and watching the 2009 Star Trek movie2, Punk ruled this season. From his Street Fight at Extreme Rules to stealing the show at NY/NJ with ‘Taker, the man could do no wrong. Adding Heyman as his manager only added to his work, as the two ran roughshod through the WWE from September until Punk walked away from the company (storyline) two weeks after ‘Mania. He faced all comers in the face portion of his season…and won. He faced all comers in the heel portion of his season…and found ways to retain his Title. He carried The Rock through 2 WWE Title matches. He put on a great match with The Undertaker despite suffering a legit injury during the proceedings. He rekindled his feud with John Cena from 2011 once he turned heel. He was instrumental in The Shield getting over as he and Heyman paid them and Brad Maddox to interfere in his Title matches later in the season. Plus he found time to help get AJ over and launch the Kane/Daniel Bryan feud/partnership. He played a part in Ryback’s rise through the ranks as well.

And he’s number one when it comes to promos, hands down.

And he’s the best technical wrestler in the company.

And he had meniscus surgery on December 4th and was wrestling a month later (take notes Russell Westbrook).

And I’m a CM Punk guy.

Honorable Mention: Our Boy John Cena. Hear me out. Besides that crap match at NY/NJ, no one came closer to beating out Punk than our boy Cena. He allowed himself to get slugged on by Lesnar, feuded with Laurinaits and Big Show (which ended with Big Johnny’s firing), won the Raw Money In The Bank match, feuded with Punk for the WWE Title, helped get Ryback and The Shield over, feuded with Dolph for the SmackDown Money In The Bank briefcase, won his second Royal Rumble, and sub sequentially won his 11th WWE Championship at NY/NJ. Not to mention the countless Raws and house shows he wrestled at during the season.

The man is a workhorse.

The man is definitely the face of the WWE.

I really want to see him as a heel again eventually.

And our boy John Cena worked his ass off this season.

With that, the first annual Promos By Hyphen WWE Year End Awards has reached its end. The new season is about a month in now, but there’s still almost a full year of WWE action left. New awards may be added, some Superstars will work their way either into or out of position to contend, but one thing remains: I’ll still be watching.

Don’t let me down WWE.

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The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 2

May. 13 All, Articles, DVD, Entertainment, Features, Movies, Promos By Hyphen, TV, Wrestling 1 comment

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Welcome to Part 2 of the First Annual Promos By Hyphen WWE Year End Awards. Make sure to read all the creamy goodness of Part 1.

Best Tag Team: Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan)

In the perfect segue way, the best thing to come out of the tag team division in years is Team Hell No. While it doesn’t stray from WWE’s formula of shoving popular singles wrestlers into teams, no one could have imagined how great they would become so quickly. From the anger management segments to the in-ring action, it doesn’t get much better than this. And what better way to continue to push Bryan without making him a true babyface too quickly? And surely, this cements Kane as a first ballot Hall of Famer. He took a character that had become a bit stagnant in recent years, brought back the mask, bounced back nicely from an early 2012 heel run, and then turned into one of the company’s top faces.

First ballot.

Honorable Mention: Team Rhodes Scholars. Another surprisingly pleasant pairing. WWE took burgeoning rookie Damien Sandow and linked him up with former IC Champion Cody and got gold (as well as a great porn ‘stache from Mr. Rhodes). While they’ve failed to capture the Tag Titles as of yet, you’d have to imagine it happening in the near future. In fact, I look forward to a summer of tag matches between the Scholars, Hell No, and The Shield. Which means WWE will probably do the opposite of what I’d like to see.

Worst Tag Team: 3MB (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal)

If Tons of Funk had been together a little bit longer, they would’ve ran away with this one.

I actually enjoyed seeing Heath Slater get beat every week on Raw leading up to Raw 1000. Despite the jobbing for legends, he was playing an annoying heel quite well. I was hoping this would extend to a push for a few United States Title matches and eventual placement into a heel tag team…but instead, we got the 3 Man Band. I’ve never liked Jinder and I feel like Wade Barrett is filling the only role McIntyre would be great at: arrogant heel from Europe.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t jobbing all the time. But that would lead me to complain about the state of WWE’s tag division and I’m saving that for Thomas to talk about on the next Slobberknocker Chronicles podcast. And even if they just lost Mahal and renamed themselves Two Man Rock Trip, I would enjoy their work more. But as 3MB? No, not good enough.

Dishonorable Mention: Tons Of Funk (Brodus Clay & Tensai). Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience. Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience. Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience.

Best Feud: The Shield versus the WWE

There’s no question The Shield has been a slight rehash of The Nexus storyline from a few years back. The only difference is this angle has been done completely right (and one of the best wrestlers of the angle didn’t get fired for choking on television). No matter who has been placed in the ring with them, magic always ensues. And it says something that Undertaker is already working with them as well.

I personally hope no one is ever revealed as the leader of the group and this lasts forever…but I’ll settle for a Tag Team Title run or three before the inevitable break up. The good news is that with Punk taking time off, we’ll probably still have The Shield around by fall, but don’t be surprised if our boy Cena is on the team that hands them their first tag team defeat.

Honorable Mention: Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez v. Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter. Despite the unlikely Chamber win for Swagger (I called that, in case you forgot), WWE creative actually uncovered gold by pairing Zeb Colter with him. They tortured ADR and Ricardo for weeks leading up to ‘Mania, even garnering a bit of regular press attention with Swagger and Colter’s “We The People” promos. And while their match at NY/NJ was cut a bit short, there’s still plenty of time for this feud to make its case for the 2014 Awards.

Best Match: CM Punk v. Ryback, Raw, January 7

Out of all the matches Punk had this season, there was no way he wasn’t going to be involved in this category. The surprising part is the fact that Ryback was his opponent. When the then-WWE Champion finally clashed with Ryback on the first Raw of January (in a make-up of their missed match from December’s TLC PPV), there was a lot at stake. Punk was returning from knee surgery, Ryback was getting his third Title shot, The Rock was at Raw…pretty much, anything could happen. With Cole and King hyping the match all night, anticipation was high by the time Punk and Ryback stepped into the ring.

It was close match throughout as neither competitor really gained an upper hand. Tables, ladders, and chairs were smashed, crashed, and dented as the battle continued. But then, Ryback downed Punk on the outside and was soon scaling a ladder towards the WWE Title. As his hands gripped it, the lights went out, and when they came back on, the monster was being assaulted by The Shield yet again. After another triple powerbomb, Punk was smiling as he ascended the ladder back to his Belt. And I was highly entertained.

Honorable Mention: Tie: CM Punk v. John Cena, Raw, #1 Contender’s Match and Big Show v. Alberto Del Rio, SmackDown, World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match. Any match that sees our boy Cena use a Hurricanrana and Punk deliver a (illegal) piledriver has to be a classic, right? Well, it does help that the wrestling leading up to those moves was damn near perfect. Our boy Cena retained his #1 Contender spot he won at the Rumble and went on to win his 11th WWE Title. Punk went on to torture The Undertaker for weeks before falling victim to The Streak at NY/NJ and now he’s taking a much needed rest. These two have been delivering top notch work together since 2011 and I’m looking forward to more in the future.

Why Big Show and ADR you ask? Because no one expected Alberto to pull it out. He had only recently turned face and Big Show had retained successfully against Sheamus (see: T-Shirt rant above for the reason) at recent PPVs. And the idea of Big Show losing a Last Man Standing match to ADR on SmackDown was just silly (unless it’s WrestleMania).

But with a little help from Show smacking his head on the ring post and an overturned announcer’s table, Alberto Del Rio was our new World Champion.1 And while it wasn’t a five star match by any means, it was just a fun watch, even a few days after it actually aired on Syfy.

Proceed to Part 3!

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The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 1

May. 10 All, Articles, DVD, Entertainment, Features, Promos By Hyphen, Reviews, TV, Wrestling 2 comments

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I’ve wanted to do some type of awards article for the longest time now. Then that turned into doing an awards podcast, but Thomas and I never brought that to fruition (my fault, I was too busy making music). Then the idea got away from me until I realized what just passed: WrestleMania NY/NJ (XXIX!).

In the world of WWE, WrestleMania is the championship game. So, assuming that the season starts with the Raw after WrestleMania last year (when Brock Lesnar F-5-ed Cena) and continued up to the final scene of NY/NJ this year (Cena celebrating while giving The Rock his unjust due. I hated that match. Hated it.), there are a slew of things that happened in between.

So without further ado, I give you the Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards.

Best Championship:   WWE Championship

This one was a no-brainer. Not only did my favorite wrestler in the company hold it most of the season (CM Punk) but there really wasn’t much competition. Sheamus held the World Title (for too long) until October when he dropped it to Big Show. That belt’s seen some great matches since then but the window is too small of a sample size to really give it Best Belt precedence.

Punk defended his Belt successfully against Chris Jericho, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Daniel Bryan (3x), Kane, John Cena (4x), Big Show, and Ryback (3x) before dropping the Title to The Rock at the Royal Rumble. And that’s not including most of the defenses on Raw, SmackDown, and house shows throughout that period.

Punk put the WWE Title around his waist and ran with it, partly as a face (until he turned on The Rock at Raw 1000) and partly as a heel. And despite his lack of main event PPV defenses, there was no question who was the Best In The World when it came to the company’s biggest belt.

Honorable Mention: Intercontinental Title. Despite a weird 1 day reign for The Miz after NY/NJ, it actually changed hands 6 times and Cody Rhodes and Big Show were the only people to hold the Title for 30 days or less. It’s still the most prestigious minor belt in the company; I’d just like to see more of its holders move to the main event picture.

Best T-Shirt: Tie: CM Punk – In Punk We Trust, Paul Heyman – I’m A Paul Heyman Guy, Dolph Ziggler – It’s Not Showing Off

One of the coolest things about being a wrestling fan for me is wearing the same merchandise that the wrestlers wear to the ring. Since I’ve jumped on the Punk bandwagon, I’ve purchased every t-shirt and I’m getting ready to purchase his newest one. I’ve even considered the GTS hoodie he sported leading up to NY/NJ.

As far as the Best Shirt of the season goes, I couldn’t decide. If this was last year’s awards, Punk’s Best In The World tee would have been a runaway winner. But there’s no way I can not give props to Ziggy’s pink “Showing Off” shirt or Heyman’s pitch of being The Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless. And while Punk’s GTS and Knees2Faces shirts were good, they didn’t match his In Punk We Trust shirt that he wore for a large chunk of the season.

Honorable Mention: Tie: Sheamus – Brogue Kick Hooligans and The Rock – Soldier. Went with another tie since I’m basing this on shirts I’d actually wear. I actually considered getting Sheamus’ ode to the Brogue Kick shirt…until he got the one that followed it. And I can’t leave out The Rock’s Soldier shirt he had for Raw 1000. It’s a shame he didn’t give that design more burn when he returned in January.

Worst T-Shirt: Tie: Sheamus – Brogue Kick and any of Brock Lesnar’s shirts

I don’t know how much input wrestlers have about what goes on their shirts but Sheamus should have stopped this one. How do you go from a classy looking black shirt to a dingy looking gray one with a foot on it? In fact, I hold this shirt personally responsible for Sheamus’ fall from World Title contention to Randy Orton’s tag partner.

But don’t even try to justify any of Brock’s shirts. It’s bad enough that he’s a monster heel who can’t talk who only wrestled 3 times the entire season (and went 1-2 at that). But those shirts are hideous. His back tattoo and a weather vane? No thank you, Mr. Lesnar.

Dishonorable Mention: Triple H’s current shirt. While I defended him in my previous article, there’s never been a Triple H shirt that I’ve liked, just DX ones.

Best Promo: CM Punk, January 7, Raw

While he failed to continue his 434 day reign as WWE Champion, there was no promo cut this season that came close to this one by Punk. After defeating Ryback in a TLC match to retain his Title (with help from The Shield) earlier in the night, he and Heyman returned to the ring and talked shit. USA had to cut to commercial mid-rant but when we returned, Punk and Heyman were still in the ring goading. The arrival of the People’s Champion didn’t slow things down as he and Rock launched into a war of words for the ages. The results? The Rock called Punk Cookie Puss. Punk told Rock that his arms were too short to box with God. Advantage: Punk.

Honorable Mention: The Rock, Raw. Despite my efforts to find a date, let’s just say on one of the Raws that The Rock actually did appear on after Elimination Chamber, he and Cena met face-to-face for the first time since WrestleMania XXVIII. Cena was all business and delivered a good promo about how he needed to beat The Rock to right the downward spiral he had been in since last year’s ‘Mania. Rock, in one of the best promos he cut during this run, was all business as well but ended things with a definitive “I know I can beat you.” It gave Rock/Cena II a little jolt that was sadly not built upon leading up to NY/NJ.

Best Moment: CM Punk lays The Rock out with the GTS, Raw 1000

I was really close to giving this moment to the reformation of D-Generation X on this same show. But two things happened when CM Punk laid out The Rock that night: 1. Punk returned to true heel form for the first time since Money In The Bank 2011 and 2. I lost my shit.

Raw 1000 was a top notch Raw but with Rock’s announcement that he would get a Title shot at the Rumble and all the surprises of the night, our boy John Cena’s match with Punk for the WWE Title seemed overshadowed. I also was living with the fear that Cena’s win at Money In The Bank would lead to his 11th WWE Title reign.

All the pieces were there. Punk, while competitive, didn’t look like he was going to come out on top in this match. Then Big Show interfered and Cena won by DQ but Punk retained. Punk let Big Show pummel Cena after the match, looking too exhausted or uncaring to help. Seeing this,1 Rocky came out to the large pop to hit the Spinebuster on Show and the inevitable People’s Elbow…

…and then Punk laid him out with the clothesline. And I was jumping up and down.2 And then Punk hit the GTS and Raw 1000 was over. But the second phase of Punk’s WWE Title reign had begun.

Honorable Mention: Tie: DX reunion at Raw 1000 and the birth of Team Hell No. As great as it was too see the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac in a WWE ring again, you can’t leave out the great work of Daniel Bryan and Kane this year in going from a regular feud to Tag Team Champions. Even their recent backstage segment before The Shield attacked them on Raw a few weeks back reeks of chemistry. The Tag Team division might be worse than the Divas at times but at least they got something right with these two.

This way for Part 2!

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The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – The Ides Of Madness

Mar. 22 All, College Basketball, MLB, NBA, NCAA, NFL, Podcasts, Sports, The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show, Wrestling no comments

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Madness. One word says it all. For some boring fools, March just means spring and warmer weather (or so they say). For the rest of us, it means the most madness filled sports month of the year. Professional athletes take a backseat to college kids. It’s the NCAA Tournament. It’s the place dreams come true, eternal memories are formed, hearts are broken, a nation unifies, and Davids and Goliaths are on an equal stage.

Mike “the Buzz-Saw” Asti and George “the Howitzer” Gerbo do what the rest of the country is doing, they fill out their brackets. Your favorite sports genius’ go through the entire field and give their picks. Based on Mike’s high winning percentage in competitions against George, can the Howitzer pull off a sports pick’em equivalent to a 16 over a 1 seed? On second thought, we’ll be nice, 15 over a 2… At least that’s been accomplished before.

What’s their Final Four look like? Do elite programs like Louisville and Indiana have enough to go the distance? Will a year of improbable upsets continue? Can Gonzaga, now with expectations, finally get the job done and make a deep run? Is Duke vulnerable by carrying several disappointing losses? Is Miami (FL.) poised to prove themselves? Does the Michigan bandwagon have any room left? Which low seeded teams have that dark horse potential?

George always knows he’s risking unbearable bragging and bravado any time he enters into a competitive venue against the Buzz-Saw.

We now all prepare for that one shining moment. You know what? Screw the corny stuff. Let the games begin!

The Howitzer and Buzz-Saw conquer madness and sports radio, one day, at a time…

The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – The Ides Of March

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Promos By Hyphen: The Blankety Blank You Love To Hate

Mar. 13 All, Articles, Entertainment, Features, Promos By Hyphen, TV, Wrestling 4 comments

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Some people take this wrestling stuff too far. 

“I hate CM Punk. CM Punk is a punk.” 

“CM Punk is a jerk. I can’t believe he brought up Lawler’s heart attack/Paul Bearer’s death.” 

“Triple H screws over X-Pac every chance he gets.” 

It’s called heat. Heel wrestlers want the crowds to hate them. Do you think its ideal for CM Punk chants to outweigh “Rocky” chants when the WWE Title is on the line? I don’t think so. They want you to hate them. And some wrestlers are so good at it, you can’t help but still cheer for them. 

One of my friends gives me shit about CM Punk every chance he gets. “Punk is gonna lose to the Undertaker. Punk is gonna get his ass whooped tonight. CM Punk isn’t very good at all.” Every time, I look at him and say, “It’s scripted. Would I want CM Punk to win all the time? Sure. But then I’d be complaining about how predictable the storylines are.” And still, he keeps right on talking about how much he doesn’t like him.

I think CM Punk peed in his Cheerios or something. This is all speculation of course. 

Our boy John Cena gets a good share of hate but for different reasons. “Cena can’t wrestle. Cena is always champion. Cena needs to turn heel. Cena always wins. Cena is doing his Superman routine again.” I too had my issues with our boy Cena for most of these things…until he had that match with Brock Lesnar last year at Extreme Rules. I always respected Cena carrying on the face of the company tradition that Hulk Hogan ran with in the 80’s and there’s no denying the work he’s done for the Make-A-Wish Foundation alone, but from 2005-2011, he was WWE Champion or World Heavyweight Champion every year, even holding the WWE Title for 380 days from 2006 to 2007 when he suffered a legit injury. Despite that incredible streak of staying relevant in professional wrestling, the fans turned on him because…that’s what fans do. But any man who has the balls to let Brock Lesnar beat on him for 20+ minutes has all my respect. He may be predictable but you’ll never hear me shitting on our boy John Cena anymore. It also helps that he’s had two classic matches with Punk in the past year and a half as well. 

But our boy John Cena will beat The Rock at WrestleMania for the WWE Title. And the hate will begin anew. 

The Miz was somebody who used to make fellow TricycleOffense.com co-founder Thomas spew venom every time he appeared on screen. When he held the WWE Title in late 2010 to early 2011, Thomas would throw all kinds of colorful language out, as if that would make Miz go back to the locker room. “He can’t wrestle. He’s boring. This is our WWE Champion? I like Alex Riley more than him.” I personally love Miz as a heel and have ever since he had that mini feud with Cena in 2009 when he debuted the first anti-Cena shirt worn on WWE TV. Not to mention the damn near spot on imitation he did of The Rock leading up to WrestleMania XXVII. I felt bad for him when WWE’s writers didn’t know what do with him by mid-2011. 

But now, I may be on the other side of the fence. While I don’t hate Miz the wrestler, I definitely hate Miz as a face. I know he’s only a face right now because The Marine 3: Homefront just came out but watching him toe the line between trying to be a crowd favorite and being his snarky, heel self is painful. And his terrible use of the Figure Four isn’t helping. Hopefully, he’ll get to return to his heel ways in due time but for now, I’m on the Miz hating bus. I did enjoy his interactions with Jericho and Wade Barrett on the last edition of Raw though. 

I hated Triple H when he became a heel in 1999 and DX became a heel faction. But since I missed a huge chunk of wrestling from 2000-07, I missed a large part of his heel run that he’s so hated for and I actually have enjoyed watching his matches. Mike “The Buzz-Saw” Asti’s hate of Triple H stems from the aforementioned horrible treatment of X-Pac at his hands and isn’t really rational but I’ll humor him for a bit.

The man has won the most major championships in WWF/E history. Sure, they recognize Flair as having 16 (he has 22 total) but Trips has the most with one company. 

He’s buried talent in the past. Some have said he’s never liked Jericho, he’s been accused of sending Umaga on the spiral that led to his WWE departure and ultimately his death, and he always seems to find his way into the best feuds, which normally results in his winning (like he will over Brock at WrestleMania NY/NJ). 

And he botches a lot of spots. 

In his defense, who cares how many major titles he’s won? WWE is about entertainment and Triple H can put on a show. He might not have the best move set or the best gimmicks or the best t-shirts (I still can’t find one I’d actually like to own) but when Trips hits that Spinebuster and then the Pedigree, forget about it. This is the reason he’s currently my Undisputed Champion on WWE ’13. And I know Asti will throw a mini fit when he reads that. 

He’s buried a lot of talent but he’s also put over a great deal too. The whole WWE is guilty of not making stars as of late, so why single Triple H out as one of the reasons why? When the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac joined DX when the stable turned face in 1998, their career profiles couldn’t help but be boosted. Same with Randy Orton and Batista in Legacy, no matter how many times Hunter beat them in matches later on. He also helped put over one of the most unlikely major title holders ever in Chris Benoit and that’s not something to sneeze at. 

Has he won a lot of matches that he didn’t deserve to? Sure. But isn’t that how professional wrestling works?

And yes, he does botch a lot of spots. I think more so when he was a regular worker, but a quick Google search produces tons of results about people complaining about his ring prowess. 

I will say though, at WrestleMania XXVII, when The Undertaker attempted that over the top rope onto his opponent on the ground move, his foot caught. And wasn’t nothing on his Earth capable of stopping the spill he was about to take. But Triple H caught him and made it look like a halfway clean move again. 

Any man who can catch The Undertaker out of the air in free fall doesn’t deserve to be bothered about the spots he misses occasionally. 

On the other hand, I don’t see too many people disliking Dolph Ziggler, at least not in the past 2 years or so. When he was a mid-carder and the writers were letting him languish, I didn’t care about him. But it was some time in 2011 when I noticed he was the king of bumps. And he just puts on great matches. I have no idea why he’s still holding his Money In The Bank briefcase but Ziggles time is now. And no matter how much heat he tries to draw, I always seem to catch the crowds cheering for him. There’s no denying his abilities and having him pound on our boy John Cena isn’t going to help his heat either. I really enjoyed his interactions with Zack Ryder on his YouTube show and it’s a shame that we won’t be seeing another serious feud between those two before Ryder’s inevitable release. But seriously, ask any WWE fan their opinions of Ziggler. If they say they hate him, they have to be under the age of 15.

But a wrestler who I haven’t been enjoying as of late is The Rock. That’s right, one of my favorite wrestlers of the Attitude Era and my second professional wrestling era makes me mad on a regular basis. 

The night he appeared on Raw in 2011 to announce that he was hosting WrestleMania XXVII was amazing. Thomas and I hung on his every word that night and I followed his run all the way to the night after WrestleMania when he and our boy Cena agreed to their match at ‘Mania XXVIII. In fact, he was the catalyst to why I even made the trek to Miami last year. I loved his promos when he was on TV, I loved his via satellite promos, and I laughed at every joke made at our boy John’s expense. 

But when he appeared on Raw 1000 and announced that he had been magically granted a WWE Title shot at the Royal Rumble, something flipped. CM Punk turned heel that night with a GTS to the Great One but something still didn’t sit right with me. 

The Rock was going to be WWE Champion again, just because he made time on his schedule to do it. 

So let’s get the fanboy reactions out of the way: “No, I want Punk to stay Champion forever. When did The Rock earn a title shot? There’s no way WWE puts the belt on somebody who can’t be/won’t be on TV every week. I don’t want Punk to lose!”

WWE did this to build up hype for their plans to do a Rock/Cena rematch at WrestleMania NY/NJ. I was among those who were surprised to see Cena lose last year; now we know why. What better way for our boy John Cena to get revenge by not only beating the Rock but also by reclaiming the WWE Title that’s eluded him for a year plus?

So much for once in a lifetime.

That aside, The Rock has been pretty un-electrifying during this run. He always seemed to come up short against Punk verbally and neither of their matches made him look strong at all. Punk pinned him cleanly at least twice at Elimination Chamber and technically beat him at Royal Rumble before Vince came out and restarted the match. When he’s entertaining the crowd, he’s great. But put a wrestler in the ring with him, he stumbles. Hopefully, our boy Cena will bring him back to form.

But that new WWE Championship belt sure is cool. 

I could go on to other past wrestlers like Hogan (he’s a dick and hated jobbing), Nash (said to be one of the reasons WCW got so bad due to booking control), Michaels (was a dick before he became born again), Bret Hart (Okay, I kind of personally hate him. Mostly because I missed his era and I don’t see what the big deal was. I do think the Screwjob was effed though.), or even Goldberg (always read he was a pain to work with, and he ended Hart’s career), but I feel like all of those guys were hated more for backstage reasons than what they did on camera. 

To sum everything up, we’re supposed to hate wrestlers. We’re supposed to want them to lose or win or hit somebody with a chair or marry the boss’ daughter. That’s all part of the game of professional wrestling.

And can you imagine wrestling without those guys? Or if the writers did exactly what we thought they should do every week? I don’t even think there would’ve been an interest in having two major wrestling promotions in the 90’s, let alone the idea of Hulkamania in the 80’s. We need to hate these guys so that we keep pouring our money into this product so we can see them get their comeuppance. Because, at the end of the day, the golden rule still stands: good guys beat the bad guys. Just make sure you tack “eventually” to the end of that in the case of pro wrestling and you have yourself a start for any promotion, big or small. 

But if I have to keep hearing about how much CM Punk sucks from my friend, my next column might be sent from a jail cell. 

Best In The World. 4 Life.

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Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues

Feb. 12 All, Articles, Entertainment, Features, NFL, Promos By Hyphen, Sports, TV, Wrestling 6 comments

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I can’t get used to seeing The Rock with CM Punk’s belt around his shoulder. 

Yes, I know that Punk lost the belt to Rock at the Royal Rumble. I watched what happened live. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I am a CM Punk guy after all.

But so far Rock’s run as Champ has been pretty…meh. 

He won the belt at the Rumble, celebrated with the people the next night on Raw and  gave Punk his rematch for Elimination Chamber. He then took a week off with no explanation given other than us assuming he was handling movie stari business. He returned this Monday to tell a pretty hilarious story about buying a car from a crackhead when Punk confronted him. Rock told Punk to come into the ring, which subsequently lead to him getting a GTS and his belt taken. 

Some Champ. 

I haven’t been a huge fan of Rock’s run this time. His first Raw back in January, he called Punk Cookie Puss. His promo game was off and it just seemed like he was losing against the best promo guy in the WWE (that would be Punk). Not that going up against someone who’s had no real time off other than legit injury would be easy for anyone but come on!1 This is The Rock we’re talking about! His picture is next to the word promo in the wrestling dictionary! 

But no, it’s not happening. Rock has constantly lost any war of words with Punk. While he has gotten much better since that first January encounter, any face off either ends in fisticuffs or Rock cursing incessantly at the former Champ.

And none of those things make for a strong face Champion. 

But we all know where this is leading: By the end of WrestleMania NY/NJ (WWE apparently thinks calling the thing XXIX is a bad idea), our boy John Cena will be the WWE Champion again. 

But we’ll get to that in a minute. 

What I’m really concerned about is how disappointing the Elimination Chamber PPV is going to be. I’ve watched faithfully for 3 years now and I love the Chamber matches. While last year’s SmackDown match was a bit boring other than creative teasing a Santino win, you really can’t go wrong with any six men you put inside the structure. 

And I won’t lie, I’m excited for the SmackDown Elimination Chamber #1 Contender match. If WWE was planning a swerve anywhere, it would be here. Ziggler is not in the match but I think his current hard-on for Chris Jericho will somehow lead to him interfering in a Jericho victory2 or he’ll choose to finally cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase on Alberto Del Rio after he beats Big Show a third time this Sunday. If Ziggy cashes in, that would mean Jericho would have to win the Chamber. Right? Right? I’ve been wrong before though. 

But not having a Raw Elimination Chamber match? Even with The Shield versus Team CenaBackMus3 in the Chamber? 

Asinine. 

It’s bad enough that Rock wouldn’t go in the Chamber4 but to avoid the match altogether because “John Cena has to do something this PPV and we don’t want him in a Chamber match with the Rock when we plan on having their rematch at WrestleMania NY/NJ” is annoying. 

It just seems like a complete waste of time to even put the structure up for one match. They could have done a live SmackDown tonight with the Chamber Contender’s match and called the PPV We Don’t Want Your Money, Save It For WrestleMania. Because that’s exactly what I plan on doing. 

  • While Rock/Punk II is a great draw, there’s no way Rock doesn’t walk out of the match still Champ. 
  • ADR5 should retain against Show again but I really think Ziggler cashes in now. A Jericho/Ziggler feud for the World Heavyweight Title is okay in my book. Is it possible Show wins and then gets cashed in on again?6
  • SmackDown Chamber match: All signs point to crowning Jericho. Which probably means Swagger will end up winning. Dark horse: Randy. 
  • CenaBackMus vs. The Shield: Really? Really? Really? Do I have to put you in a weak figure four? CenaBackMus for the win.
  • Kaitlyn vs. Tamina: I’m going with Kaitlyn just to leave hope that there might be a decent feud leading up to ‘Mania. But the Divas are so irrelevant anymore that I don’t know why I’m still typing about them.

Then you have Brock Lesnar hanging around. Apparently, Triple H isn’t ready to demand his ‘Mania rematch so until that time, Brock is chilling. And breaking hips.

And then you have this stipulation added to the WWE Title match that makes no sense: The Rock can lose the belt on a disqualification. So:

  • Someone will come out and attack Punk i.e. Lesnar/The Shield/or someone we don’t expect and Rock will be disqualified. But then the match will be restarted AGAIN and Rock will win, AGAIN. Which gives him two wins over Punk that were handed to him with special assistance. And that makes him look weak going into ‘Mania against our boy John Cena. 
  • Rock will do something borderline legit that gets him disqualified, something that refs never call a match for. It would be the opposite of the no-call on the 49ers last drive in the Super Bowl basically. 
  • Or Lesnar comes out and is supposed to attack Punk, attacks Rock then Punk, then leaves with Heyman screaming his trademark “What did you do?!”7 

Which brings us back to square one: our boy John Cena will be WWE Champion come April 8th. He’s either going to get there by beating The Rock or CM Punk or both at the same time or a mystery challenger we don’t expect. But it will come to pass. 

After a year plus of CM Punk as Champ and then this interlude with The Rock, WWE is going to press the reset button. Our boy Cena as WWE Champ for the 11th time in his career. And I don’t hate our boy Cena, I just get a little tired of the same old stories.8 And it doesn’t help the future of the company to put the belt on our boy Cena AGAIN. 

But it helps the bottom line now. And The Rock won’t be around as much after this round of WrestleMania. If anything, we should be celebrating the fact he can still compete at a high level at 40 years old.9 

And I still have my fingers crossed Stone Cold will come out of retirement to face Punk at WrestleMania XXX. How wonderful would that be if Austin can still go like Rock can? Dreams are nice to have. 

But what will the WrestleMania card even look like? I’ll take a stab at it: 

  • The Rock (c) v. John Cena v. CM Punk – WWE Title Match
  • Dolph Ziggler (c) v. Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Championship Match
  • Antonio Cesaro (c) v. Ryback – United States Title Match
  • Wade Barrett (c) v. Mark Henry or Jack Swagger or Sheamus – Intercontinental Title Match
  • Triple H v. Brock Lesnar – Stipulation Match (Perhaps Career on the line?)
  • Maybe an Undertaker match but I heard he’s out of shape…
  • And a Divas Title match (Either pre-show or mid-card. Maybe Team Hell No drops the belts pre-show or mid-card as well if they haven’t by then.) 

That’s a pretty boring lineup and that’s just off the top of my head without any research or consideration for current feuds. Not to mention the exclusion of Randy, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Big Show, ADR, and The Shield. But remember, if this comes to pass, you heard it here first. 

I could go to WrestleMania NY/NJ but I’m passing just because I don’t want to see Cena beat Punk for the belt live and/or I don’t want to see Punk in some meaningless match earlier in the card. It’s just amazing to see the corner creative has backed themselves into with their booking since Rock’s return. 

But at least we have Jericho back. And winning. Take that Radcliffe.

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Slater’s Signature Finisher: Looking at nWo: The Revolution

Jan. 29 All, Articles, DVD, Entertainment, Features, Reviews, Slater's Signature Finisher, TV, Wrestling no comments

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I was sending a text message the other day. As I was typing the word, “being,” my phone did something that I thought was amazing – it tried to autocorrect it to nWo. I might like wrestling a little too much…

For those who remember the glory days of the New World Order, nothing else is necessary; you know the story and how awesome it was. And, you also know how horrible the group’s fall from prominence was. But, for those who weren’t around back then, this is for you. 

The WWE recently released a 3-disc retrospective looking back at the history of the New World Order. It continues WWE’s recent streak of releasing solid documentaries that tell the whole story, not just WWE’s version, which has plagued some of their earlier releases. 

One point that is forgotten when talking about wrestling in the late 1990s is summed up very nicely by WCW star “Diamond” Dallas Page in the disc’s opening moments: “Wrestling at that time was a 9.8 out of 10 on the ‘cool meter.’” And, it really was. The cool promotion was WWE, with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and The Rock leading the charge. But, what really hadn’t been told until now is why WWE got so hot and popular in that era. WWE got so amazing because WCW had surpassed them as the premier wrestling promotion, thanks in large part to the nWo. They had to scramble to surpass WCW and they succeeded. 

The disc has a lot of new interviews with a wide variety of names from WCW, including Kevin Nash, Bill DeMott, Billy Kidman, Booker T, Arn Anderson, Dusty Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and X-Pac. Stock footage from the early 2000s from interviews with Eric Bischoff, Scott Hall, and Hulk Hogan are also included.

One of the cooler aspects is that they include interviews with two wrestlers who were children during the nWo days – Cody Rhodes and Joe Hennig (sons, of course, of Dusty Rhodes and Curt Hennig). While both wrestling promotions claimed to aim toward an 18-35 year-old demographic, wrestling really was one of the most popular things with kids back then. Both talk about how they already liked wrestling and started seeing more of their peers wear wrestling shirts and talk about the product once the nWo kicked off. 

It’s not such a big deal now to see Hulk Hogan as a heel, but his turn in 1996 was groundbreaking and nobody expected it. His turn made it work. Nash stresses in his interview that they wanted everything they did to be different than the status quo. Hulk Hogan as a bad guy was different. They didn’t do wrestling promos. They almost did music videos, in black and white as well. The entire presentation was different and it worked for them. 

The evil nWo ran roughshod over WCW until a silent hero descended from the rafters to take them out. That man was Sting. The 15-month angle of Sting not speaking or wrestling and just watching the nWo made for compelling television. Cody Rhodes sums it up better than I can – “It was just beautiful.” And it was. That’s how you book a storyline. 

After a while, the nWo started fighting itself and split off into two groups, the black and white of nWo Hollywood and the red and black Wolfpac. When discussing the nWo, Dusty Rhodes talked about how it was so mainstream and got all of this attention from people who weren’t wrestling fans. He said the start of the downfall of the group was when it split up, noting that it was just a wrestling angle after that.Current WWE commentator Matt Striker summed the Wolfpac in his own unique way: “The Wolfpac was cool, but it’s kind of like when your little sister wants to be in the nWo. It’s like, ‘Alright, you can be in the Wolfpac.’” 

I liked the Wolfpac, personally. But, a lot of people apparently did not. The remainder of the disc looks at the downfall of the group. They talk about poorly-planned storylines and a general feeling of disorganization with the group’s motives. The bloated roster of mid-carders wearing nWo colors is discussed as well. The ill-fated “nWo 2000” featuring Bret Hart and Jeff Jarrett is ripped apart for not working. And the 2002 invasion of WWE by the original trio is brought up. 

Overall, it’s a nice set for the two main audiences WWE is going after – hardcore fans and nostalgia buffs. The matches on discs 2 and 3 aren’t bad either. Buy it.

 

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