Tag: Carson Palmer

The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Kvetching Draft Asininity (Guests: Scott Carasik, Alex Wiederspiel, & Ethan Hammerman)

Apr. 30 All, College Football, NCAA, NFL, Podcasts, Sports, The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show no comments

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Some celebrate Christmas, some celebrate Hanukkah, others celebrate the National Football League’s annual draft, as their most special “holiday” of the calendar year. Mike ‘the Buzz-Saw” Asti and George “the Howitzer’ Gerbo welcome the Kvetching Draftniks guys to the HBS ring. Scott Carasik, Alex Wiederspiel, and Ethan Hammerman spout, or should I say, kvetch, all the knowledge imaginable on the 2013 NFL Draft.

With the Darrelle Revis New York Jets era now officially over (sorry Alex), how does this trade impact the rest of the draft. And what is the future of Revis, now a Tampa Bay Buccaneer, as well as, the team he left behind?

Is Geno Smith truly worthy of a high draft pick, or is he benefiting from a lack of quarterback depth? Are the Minnesota Vikings and Manti Te’o headed towards a perfect marriage? Who will be the diamonds in the rough? Every draft can alter the leagues landscape for decades. For every Shannon Sharpe late round gem, there’s a Ryan Leaf or Tony Mandarich to wreck havoc on a franchise.

Apparently JaMarcus Russell has decided to put down the “purple drank” and attempt a comeback. Where does this rank on the asinine richter scale? Off the charts is a possible answer. Who are the potential overhyped 2013 class draft busts?

The Kvetching Draftniks conquer the NFL Draft, while the Howitzer and Buzz-Saw continue to conquer sports radio, one day, at a time…

The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Kvetching Draft Asininity (Guests: Scott Carasik, Alex Wiederspiel, & Ethan Hammerman)

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Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #1: Richard Seymour and the Oakland Raiders (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)

Feb. 07 All, Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast, NFL, Podcasts, Sports 1 comment

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Welcome to the pilot episode of Thomas Deja’s Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast! Brought to you by TricycleOffense.com, this podcast will explore America’s most popular professional sport: the NFL! In this episode, Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley drops by to initiate Tom’s Synod of 32: 32 teams, 32 fans. As the offseason begins, Tom is on a quest to get to heart of every fan’s issues with their teams; from the lowly Jaguars (Gerbils) on up to the newly crowned Ravens. Kelen becomes the Raiders new GM and outlines what it will take to bring winning back to Oakland. Also: Richard Seymour eating chicken!

Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #1: Richard Seymour and the Oakland Raiders (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)

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Moves Like Curtis: Epilepsy Can Ruin Division Titles (Week 17)

Dec. 30 All, Articles, Features, Moves Like Curtis, NFL, Sports 2 comments

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And with this, Rivalry Weekend, the 2012 campaign is over for almost everyone.

As with the last few seasons, this final weekend sees teams playing their division rivals.  Supposedly this was started by Roger Goodell to encourage viewers to, you know, care about what sometimes amounts to a slew of junk games.  And this season we’ve got…what amounts to a bunch of junk game, as the majority of the playoff slots are filled and teams are entering this Sunday with one eye on their tee time this Monday.  Those who still have a hope of sliding into the playoffs are facing a very, very narrow window to sneak through indeed.

Before we begin, I want to once again remind everyone I’m looking for knowledgeable superfans to talk to me about what their teams need to improve for 2013.  Contact me through TricycleOffense.com.

That out of the way, let’s get to it…

Sunday Games, 1:00 p.m.

Buccaneers (6-9, lost v. Rams) vs. Falcons (13-2, won v. Lions, 1st Seed NFC South)

This is pretty much a junk game if it wasn’t for Tampa Bay being one of those teams that played, thanks to Greg Schiano, tougher than their record indicated.  There’s no way for the Bucs to play spoiler, as Atlanta has the 1st Seed locked in, but there’s always pride.  Given that Schiano is a bit of a, ummmm, hard coach not above doing some low things (remember that kneel down surge in their game versus the Giants?), I can almost see the Bucs trying some pretty desperate schemes so they can exit the season on a high note.

Doesn’t mean they’ll win, though.  Expect Atlanta to win by a possession and a half.

Paper Planes (6-9, lost v. Chargers) vs. Our Bitch (5-10, lost v. Dolphins)

And speaking of ending the season on a high note…grumblemutter…

Given their terrible season, there’s going to be some shake-ups on both ends.  It looks like Buffalo’s coach is gone, and The Repeater will be driven out of New Jersey on a rail.  There’s nothing to play for here–not even pride, as that left these teams a long time ago.

When all is said and done, there’s a reason why I call Buffalo ‘Our Bitch.’  Expect the Paper Planes to soar into a one possession or less victory.

Ravens (10-5, won v. Giants, 4th Seed AFC North) vs. Bengals (9-6, won v. Steelers, Projected 6th Seed Wild Card)

The only thing that can be decided here is Cincinnati’s Wild Card position.  And given how Football Spock and his crew have been surging, and the way the Bengals seem to be able to smack around the AFC North fellows at will, expect Da Tigers to win by a possession.

Browns (5-10, lost v. Broncos) vs. Steelers (7-8, lost v. Bengals)

I still hold a lot of affection for what has developed in Cleveland.  Even though it seemed like a joke that the Browns were going to go with over-aged rookie Brandon Weeden and unproven running back Trent Richardson, both have proven more than up to the task, and have helped the team surprise everyone by playing tough and garnering a bigger record than anyone expected.

…and I was going to call the game for them, because they’ve got the Steelers at a time when they’ve very beatable.  The always injury-prone Ben Roethlisberger seems to have had trouble bouncing back from his latest trip to the doctor and their defense is so banged up they’re actually porous.  A Cleveland Browns team as configured could easily beat Pittsburgh if they were healthy.  So I guess it’s lucky for Mike Tomlin that both Weeden and Richardson are out for this game.  Expect the Steelers to squeak by in a painful to watch game by a field goal or less.

Bears (9-6, won v. Cardinals, Potential NFC Wild Card) vs. Lions (4-11, lost v. Falcons)

And here are the dregs of the NFC North.  And don’t get me wrong–even though the Bears were on top of creation for a brief period this season, they squandered this lead away with shaky offensive play.  And the Lions have just regressed thoroughly this season, seeming to play more like the national joke they were and not the playoff team they showed they could be last year.  I think that Chicago will barely win over the Lions by about a possession and a half.

Gerbils (2-13, lost v. Sucking Black Hole Of Evil) vs. Titans (5-10, lost v. Packers)

Oh, Lord…talk about junk games.  This is a pointless little match-up which will decide nothing except which AFC South team will suck the least.  And the toughest thing about choosing a winner here is that since Chad Henne has been starting for the Gerbils, their QB play is about even.  I suspect that by the sheer dint that the Titans have all their mediocre offensive weapons while the Gerbils don’t, Tennessee will take this ugly game by a possession or less.

Eagles (4-11, lost v. Native Americans) vs. Giants (8-7, lost v. Ravens, Potential NFC Wild Card)

Much like the Bears/Lions tilt, this is a game between the dregs of the NFC East.  The Eagles are just a total mess, and it saddens me that this awful team will be the final moments of Andy Reid’s formidable CV.  And the Giants managed to piss away their division championship by playing as if they’re suffering from epilepsy.  The only reason–the only reason–the Giants are going to win this game by a possession or less is simply because they’re more organized than the Eagles.

Panthers (6-9, won v. Raiders) vs. Saints (7-8, won v. Cowboys)

This is a lot tougher to call then you’d think.  Carolina has been surging in this last handful of games, and that’s built a confidence that made them on par with this year’s bloody, limping but unbowed Saints team.  I think that the Panthers’ confidence combined with their Ric Flair desire to ‘beat the man to be the man’ might actually put them over New Orleans by less than a possession.

Texans (12-3, lot v. Vikings, 1st Seed AFC South) vs. Colts (10-5, won v. Chiefs, Projected 6th Seed Wild Card)

Who knew at the beginning of this season that Andrew Luck would lead his team into the playoffs–well, besides the Polians?  The Colts have had some natural luck come their way, but the bulk of the responsibility for this success is just really great ball play.  It almost seems cruel that their last regular season appearance is against the nigh unstoppable Texans….especially given that The Texans have something to play for.  If they don’t win, after all, Houston potentially loses their first-round bye and their home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.  I suspect that the superior Houston defense (which features one of my favorite non-Paper Planes players, J.J. ‘The J is For Juggernaut’ Watt) will step up and prevent Luck from doing his thing, allowing Matt Schaub and Co. to run up a two possession or more victory.

Sunday Games, 4:30 p.m.

Packers (11-4, won v. Titans, 2nd Seed NFC North) vs. Vikings (9-6, won v. Texans, Projected 6th Seed)

This is one of the better potential games this week, because both teams have something to play for.  The Packers get a first round bye if they win, and the Vikings–another team like the Colts that a lot was not expected–gets a Wild Card if they win.  So I expect a very hard fought three hours, with a couple of lead changes.  In the end, I expect Adrian Peterson will carry this team on his back to slip past the Pack by a possession or less.

Rams (7-7-1, won v. Bucs) vs. Seahawks (10-5, won v. 49ers, Projected 5th Seed)

I could give you a whole lot of reasoning, but the two facts that matter are this:

1) Seattle needs this game to remain a playoff team and
2) Seattle never loses with Russell Wilson under center on their home field.

So the Seahawks will win, assuring us the sight of those ugly-ass jerseys for at least another week.  It’s as simple as that.  I anticipate a possession and a half differential.

Dolphins (7-8, won v. Our Bitch) vs. The Sucking Black Hole Of Evil (11-4, won v. Gerbils, 3rd Seed AFC East)

I think we can all safely say that every other team in the AFC East hates The Sucking Black Hole with a passion.  And when all the other teams have had substandard, losing seasons, nothing pleases those teams more than the chance to deny The Sucking Black Hole something they want….which is why you should expect the Dolphins to pull out all stops in doing what they can to beat the crap out of New England and, through a loss, deny them a chance for a first round bye.  And as we’ve seen in past seasons, Miami knows how to give their most hated foes fits. So expect a Dolphins win by a possession, New England to have to play in a Wild Card game, the Crybaby Quarterback to make that stupid pouty-puss face on the sidelines, the Sinister Sweatshirt to disappear, and me jumping up and down for joy.

Chiefs (2-13, lost v. Colts) vs. Broncos (12-3, won v. Browns, 2nd Seed AFC West)

A lot of the scenarios for other teams in the AFC playoffs requires a Denver loss.

They’re playing the Chiefs.

That isn’t going to happen.  Expect Fetus Head Peyton Manning to still be scoring touchdowns late Monday morning on Kansas City.  From his home.

Raiders (4-11, lost v. Panthers) vs. Chargers (6-9, won v. Paper Planes)

Do I really have to speak on this game?  I don’t care how San Diego might be crowing over their win last week–they suck.  So do the Raiders.  There’s no reason to watch this game, even if you are a fan of either the Raiders or the Chargers.  I am going to give it to Oakland because they’re putting Spaghetti Arm on the bench, and because I want Kelen to have something to cheer about this dismal week.

Cardinals (5-10, lost v. Bears) vs. 49ers (10-4-1. lost v. Vikings, 3rd Seed NFC West)

Dear NFL Schedulers,

Thank you for giving us Arizona for our last game this season, as you’ve assured us we’ll be in the playoffs for the second straight year.

Your fans, the 49ers.

Sunday Game 8:30 p.m.

Cowboys (8-7, lost v. Saints, Potential NFC Wild Card) vs. Native Americans (9-6, won v. Eagles, 4th Seed NFC East)

And here’s the other game with serious implications.  Namely, if you win, you’re in.  Not only are you in, you win the NFC East.  I think that when all is said and done, Washington has been playing tougher than the shaky ‘Boys, which means that they will enter the postseason to flame out on Wild Card Weekend by roughly a possession and a half.

See you for Wild Card Weekend!

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Moves Like Curtis: Fireman Ed Has Had Enough Of The Paper Planes’ [Fans'] S*** (Week 13)

Dec. 02 All, Articles, Features, Moves Like Curtis, NFL, Sports 1 comment

So my continued sense of shame carries through to this week with the quitting of Fireman Ed.

Fireman Ed was the guy who, every Jets game, would get on his brother’s shoulder and lead the fans in the ‘J-E-T-S-Jets-Jets-Jets’ chant.  He did this for years, and was pretty much Gang Green’s unofficial mascot.  He was such a familiar figure in the stands that he’s one of the Super Fans enshrined at Canton.

(Yeah, that’s right.  The Football Hall of Fame has a wing devoted to Super Fans, and Fireman Ed is in it. Deal with it.)

Anyway, this past weekend, in the wake of the horrific loss to The Sucking Black Hole of Evil, Fireman Ed announced he was walking away from his position effective immediately.  It wasn’t this awful and frustrating season that spurred him to walk away; it was the behavior of the fans.  Apparently, according to Ed, this season–the first season he swapped out his old jersey for a Mark Sanchez one–he was frequently confronted by fans under the belief that he was an employee of the Jets seeking to argue with him and pick fights.  These knuckleheads, not having access to, let’s say, Rex Ryan or Sanchez, frequently blamed him for the struggles of the team–and let’s not get started with the Football Jebus Supporters, who apparently chose not to emulate their hero’s behavior (as much as I can’t stand Tebow as a player, I will admit that he’s a humble and pleasant man) and harassed Ed because Sanchez remained the starter.

And to add insult to injury, his announcement was met with derision amongst fans in the internet.

Look, people–Fireman Ed’s quitting was important because Football is a game of traditions, and The Super-Fan is a major tradition.  Fireman Ed is as important to the mystique of the Jets as Bird Man is to the Eagles, Arrow Man is to the Chiefs, The Black Hole is to the Raiders, The Dawg Pound is to the Browns…well, you get the idea.  The reason he made his quitting public is because his presence at every game was important, and his leading the cheer is part of the iconography of the Jets.  This week, the first week he won’t be around (he’ll still be at the game, just not in his signature seat) to do so will be sad for me.

Oh, I’m sure there will be someone else who’ll rush in to stand for The Jets–that ‘Captain Jet’ character I see in the stands is a prime example–but we lost a part of our tradition, and it’s because of the fans.

Shame on you, New York Jets fans.  Shame on you.

Before we begin, you’ll notice the grid has changed a bit.  Since we’re now in the Playoff Hunt of the season, I’ll be adding the potential Seeds for teams that may qualify.  This information is taken from NFL.com. Keep in mind, not everyone that could be a Wild Card is mentioned, as there are some teams (and I’m looking at you, Paper Planes) who mathematically could make the playoffs but really are nowhere in that hunt.

And since we’re no longer doing Bye Weeks, I’ve Added a ‘Firing Train Itinerary’ so you can see which coaches are getting ready to ride off into the sunset.

On to the games…

Firing Train Itinerary

Andy Reid, Norv Turner, Ken Wisenhunt, Chan Gailey, Ron Rivera

Sunday Games, 1:00 p.m.

Seahawks (6-5, lost v. Dolphins, 6th Seed NFC West ) vs. Bears (8-3, won v. Vikings, 3rd Seed NFC North)

This is going to be a tough little game.  Pete Carroll’s Seahawks has surprised a lot of people, especially considering how their choice of Russell Wilson as their starting quarterback has resulted in their invincibility at home.  No one expected them to be good, let alone contending for a Wild Card spot.

Of course, the upshot of this is that this team needs this game badly to retain their position or, even better, nudge the 49ers out of first place (this isn’t so far-fetched a concept, given San Fran’s tie game).  They’re going to need to play super-hard in a hostile environment, trying to punch holes in an extremely tough, extremely experienced defense.  And I think ultimately it will be the whole Soldier Field factor that will lead to a Seahawks loss by a possession or less.

Texans (10-1, won v. Lions, 1st Seed AFC South) vs. Titans (4-7, lost v. Gerbils, Potential AFC Wild Card)

This is an easy game to pick–after all, we are talking about the Texans, which features one of the most elite running backs, one of the most elite wide receivers, a kick-ass quarterback and the human rejection machine that is J.J. Watt.  And the Titans…don’t.  Expect Houston to go all David on this Goliath, winning by two to three possessions.

The Sucking Black Hole Of Evil (8-3, won v. Paper Planes, 3rd Seed AFC East) vs. Dolphins (5-6, won v. Seahawks, Potential AFC Wild Card)

This, however, is not such an easy game.  The Dolphins are a much better team than we expected, and the Sucking Black Hole of Evil is not as good as their record indicates.  Sure, the Sinister Sweatshirt, his Crybaby Quarterback and pretty much are guaranteed the AFC East Title…but they have been beatable by teams they should have lost against; it’s one of the reasons they’re back to running up scores again.  I think Miami may be able to exploit the weaknesses in the defense of The Sucking Black Hole, and might be able to pull out a win by a possession or less.

Gerbils (2-9, won v. Titans) vs. Our Bitch (4-7, lost v. Colts)

And talk about Not An Easy Game To Call…the Gerbils are simply a much different team under Chad Henne.  Unlike Gabbert, who always looks like he’s lost at sea, Henne has game smarts that were blunted when he was in Miami by the ministrations of The Repeater Tony Sporano.  He’s potentially a good game manager, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s got both of the Gerbils’ wide receiver threats, and the team just picked up Jason Babin from the floundering Eagles.  Even with being sacked seven times, Henne led the team to a victory against the Titans, who are better than they are.

So imagine how they’ll drub Our Bitch, who is just as bad–if not worse–than the Titans.  Henne can certainly out-think Ryan Fitzpatrick, and the anemic offense will get themselves slammed by a team that’s suddenly found their balls.  I figure the Gerbils to spank Our Bitch by about a possession and a half in an ugly, ugly game.  And if they continue to behave like, you know, an actual football club, I may give them their original nickname back.

49ers (8-2-1, won v. Saints, 2nd Seed NFC West) vs. Rams (4-6-1, won v. Cardinals)

And so the great tie-ers meet again.  No matter how you look at St. Louis’ team, you have to give the Rams credit–they gave San Francisco the one game that will give them fits when the playoff seeding comes.  And this time the 49ers are coming to the Ram’s home ground, which means there’s going to be a lot of noise they’ll have to deal with.  It’s going to end up being a tough game, with lots of lead changes…but I suspect that San Fran, still hurting from that tie that was handed to them, is going to eventually pull out the win by a possession or less.

Colts (7-4, won v. Our Bitch, Potential AFC Wild Card) vs. Lions (4-7, lost v. Texans)

I really had a lot of hope for Detroit, but it looks like they will be on the outside looking in.  No matter how hard they try, it doesn’t look they’re going to repeat their entry into the playoffs.  And now they’re going up against the team no one expected to be this good, as Indianapolis is re-energized thanks to Andrew Luck’s skill and leadership.  And because it’s Indy, another dome team, their potential home field advantage is nullified.  I expect that Indianapolis will end up winning by a possession and a half.

Vikings (6-5, lost v. Bears, Potential NFC Wild Card) vs. Packers (7-4, lost v. Giants, Potential NFC Wild Card)

This game could very well dictate which NFC North team becomes a Wild Card.  Minnesota has been surprisingly good, even if Christian Ponder has been regressing in the last few weeks.  And the Packers have been sputtering a bit, losing their games where they shouldn’t have.  Green Bay is going to stumble a bit, especially given how banged up they are.  This will be another close game.  Expect a couple of lead changes–albeit very brief ones.  But in the grand scheme of things, I think Adrian Peterson will be able to punch through the Pack’s D-line, resulting in a win by a possession or less.

Panthers (3-8, won v. Eagles) vs. Chiefs (1-10, lost v. Broncos)

Oh, boy…imagine you’re Cam Newton.  Imagine you just beat the stuffings out of the Eagles.  What do you think could be the perfect palette cleanser that would build up your confidence and keep you from making weird Hello, Kitty references?

If you said going to visit Kansas City so you could beat down the Chiefs, give yourself a point.

This is not a contest.  Expect the Panthers to roar once more, and maybe pull Ron Rivera off the platform where the Firing Train is going to arrive.  I expect Carolina to win by a possession and a half.

Cardinals (4-7, lost v. Rams) vs. Paper Planes (4-7, lost v. The Sucking Black Hole Of Evil)

The Cardinals are terrible.  So are the Paper Planes.  The Cardinals have Larry Fitzgerald, but no one who can accurately pass to him.  The Paper Planes don’t have a single offensive weapon worth a damn.  The Cardinals have a swiss cheese offense.  The Paper Planes also have a swiss cheese offense, but it’s a baby swiss, so there’s smaller holes.

I am going to let my fanaticism fly and say the Paper Planes will pull another one of those massive wins out of their ass, convincing people they’re back on track until they lose miserably to the Chargers in about three weeks. Expect Coach Ryan to do cartwheels as they take it by two possessions or more.

Sunday Games, 4:30 p.m

Buccaneers (6-5, lost v. Falcons, Potential AFC Wild Card) vs. Broncos (8-3, won v. Chiefs, 4th Seed AFC West)

This is a closer match-up than it may seem on paper–remember, the Bucs are in a division with both the Falcons and the Saints, while the Broncos are the only team worth a damn in their division.  And the Bucs have a really strong defense, which might be what plays in their favor.  If they can bend-not-break, keeping Fetus Head Manning out of the end zone enough times, Tampa Bay will win…and I think it’s a greater than average possibility.  Give it to the Bucs by a possession.

Steelers (6-5, lost v. Browns, Potential AFC Wild Card) vs. Ravens (9-2, won v. Chargers, 2nd Seed AFC North)

And so the honored rivalry begins again…and I don’t see anything changing this time around.  The Ravens are just too good a match for a Big Ben-less, injured Pittsburgh.  The Purple and Black will knock the Wild Card hopes right out of the Steelers mouth by two possessions.

Bengals (6-5, won v. Raiders, Potential AFC Wild Card) vs. Chargers (4-7, lost v. Ravens, Potential AFC Wild Card)

Believe it or not, Norv ‘Good Enough For Government Work’ Turner might find himself saved from a ride on the Firing Train if he can get San Diego to the playoffs.  Granted, it doesn’t look likely, but knocking off another potential Wild Card in Cincinnati could do the trick–but for that to happen, Norv has to prevent the Bengals from getting into Philip Rivers’ head.  The Chargers’ biggest weakness is their quarterback–get him rattled, and the offense falls apart.  And I think the Tigers can hurry up and hit Rivers enough times early on to make San Diego fall apart, resulting in a win by about a possession and a half.

Browns (3-8, won v. Steelers) vs. Raiders (3-8, lost v. Bengals)

As much as I want to pull for Oakland here, the Browns are simply the better 3-8 team.  They simply play harder, which is why they beat the Steelers.  They will find a way to overcome the Raiders’ attack and triumph by less than a possession.

Sunday Game 8:30 p.m.

Eagles (3-8, lost v. Panthers) vs. Cowboys (5-6, lost v. Native Americans, Potential NFC Wild Card)

Here, Dallas…have a free win!

What’s going on in Philadelphia has the weird, horrific fascination of a ten car pile-up.  The reign of Reid is all but over, and no amount of firing coaches and trading away problematic defensemen is going to stop that.  There’s a strong chance the Eagles will not win another game between now and the end of the season, and that just makes Dallas all the happier while they dogfight for the right to be an NFC Wild Card.  Dallas may be in the best position to get that Wild Card if there is one in the NFC East, and smacking around Philly goes a long way towards that goal.  Expect the ‘Boys to win by two possession or more.

Monday Game 8:30 p.m.

Giants (7-4, won v. Packers, 4th Seed NFC East) vs. Native Americans (5-6, won v. Cowboys, Potential NFC Wild Card)

As you know, the Giants seem to have this talent for getting really, really hot in December.  And even though the Native Americans are pretty strong right now, they still are going to fold before Big Blue.  It’ll be a close game, but the Giants will pull ahead by a possession.

Thursday Night Game (Week 14) 8:20 p.m.

Broncos v. Raiders

Hey, look–it’s too teams that just don’t like each other much, the West Coast Equivalent of the Paper Planes and the Sucking Black Hole!  I can’t think that the Raiders, who are totally lost in this Post-Al era, could possibly win this.  For that matter, I can’t think that the Raiders will win much with Spaghetti Arm Palmer behind center.  Fetus Head and company should blow the Black and Silver out by two and a half possessions easily.

See you next week.

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Moves Like Curtis: Can The Indestructible Man Defeat The Browns? (Week 12)

Nov. 25 All, Articles, Features, Moves Like Curtis, NFL, Sports 3 comments

I’m sorry this is late, and that many of these entries are short. That awful performance the Paper Planes has sucked the fanaticism for football out of me temporarily.

Two things:

1) I am still looking for examples of Pre-Game Shows for the individual teams in the NFL, those weekly half hour interviews-and-features programs that supposedly gets the fans all riled up for that week’s game.

2) I am looking for super-fans for each of the other 30 (i.e. not the Paper Planes or Raiders, as I’m sure Kelen will fill the later slot). What I want to do is interview you about what your team may need for the 2013 season for a series of column after the season is over. Please contact me through TricycleOffense.com if you’re interested in participating, or if you have an example of those pre-game shows to share with me.

On to the games…

Sunday Games, 1:00 p.m.

Our Bitch (4-6, won v. Dolphins) vs. Colts (6-4, lost v. The Sucking Black Hole of Loserness)

The Colts are good. Our Bitch are bad. Andrew Luck knows how to manage a game. Ryan Fitzpatrick does not. This may be a close game–Our Bitch may even have a lead for a while–but Indianapolis will take it by a possession.

Seahawks (6-4, Bye Week) vs. Dolphins (4-6, lost v. Our Bitch)

The Seahawks are proving plenty tough…maybe tougher than Miami is. And don’t get me wrong–Miami is plenty tough. I think all things being said, Seattle needs this game more to get itself within striking range of the NFC West Title–remember, San Fran, that ties count as loses–and will win by less than a possession.

Falcons (9-1, won v. Cardinals) vs. Buccaneers (6-4, won v. Panthers)

This is probably going to be a much closer game that it may seem on paper. Greg Schiano has managed to get Tampa Bay some momentum while also becoming one of the most contemptible coaches in the league. The Bucs will give Atlanta fits for a while…but then expect the Falcons defense to stiffen and Matt Ryan to start connecting with his receivers again…and again…and again…leading to a win by about two possessions.

Raiders (3-7, lost v. Saints) vs. Bengals (5-5, won v. Chiefs)

This is a winnable game for the Raiders–after all, Cincinnati has degraded a bit this year, and has struggled to get to 5-5. That being said…this is the Post-Al Raiders headed by Carson ‘Spaghetti Arm’ Palmer. Under Palmer, Oakland loses games they should win. A lot. So I expect the Bengals to rise above .500 by knocking the Raiders around. I call this by about a possession and a half.

Steelers (6-4, lost v. Ravens) vs. Browns (2-8, lost v. Cowboys)

So we’re now down to the third string quarterback here in Pittsburgh, but what a third-stringer. Charlie ‘The Indestructible Man’ Batch will win the Steelers games. He’ll win the Steelers multiple games. It’s one of the reasons why Pittsburgh is one of the most consistent, effective organizations in the League. He will be able to manage the Steelers–even a Steelers team that’s banged up, broken and having last minute replacements–so well that it’ll be like there’s no problems.

And as I’ve said multiple times, Cleveland is not the pushover their record seems to indicate. They’re hard fighting and effective at scoring–look at how Dallas barely survived their tilt with them last week. And this game, where Pittsburgh is staggered and bleeding, provides a perfect opportunity to show that they’re here in the mix for good. There’s a very good chance that the Browns can sneak out a last minute win…and given that they need this game more as a statement, and Cleveland is one of the youngest teams in the league, I’ll give them the win by about a possession or less.

Titans (4-6, Bye Week) vs. Gerbils (1-9, lost v. Texans)

The Gerbils almost impressed me last week–almost, before they once more proved they are who we thought they were, namely the ass-suckingest worst football club ever on the face of this planet right now. On the other hand, the Titans are rested, they showed signs of life before their bye week, and they might get a jolt from Jake Locker returning.

Of course, there’s one wild card here–Chad Henne, who was impressive when he first emerged as the Dolphins starter under Tony ‘The Repeater’ Sporano. Sadly, The Repeater ultimately undermined his own QB by, well repeating the same play over and over again until Miami became the most predictable team on Earth. Henne may actually give them the spark that Blane Gabbert never did, and his game play might take Tennessee by surprise…so to my surprise, I’m going to call this for the Gerbils by about a possession and a half, and predict that there might be a surge of game-winning-ness by Jacksonville before, well, they prove they are who we thought they were.

Broncos (7-3, won v. Chargers) vs. Chiefs (1-9, lost v. Bengals)

The Broncos have finally meshed with Peyton The Fetus Head to become an effective team that might slide easily into the AFC West Title…and part of the reason for that is that they’re playing the Chiefs and the Raiders and the Chargers. This is no contest, especially given the porousness of Kansas City’s defense. Expect a biiiiiiig win by Denver by about three possessions.

Vikings (6-4, Bye Week) vs. Bears (7-3, lost v. 49ers)

The Vikings are refreshed, and Adrian Peterson is still a beast (Christian Ponder not so much, but all things in time)….and the Bears are wobbling, losing two games in a row and suffering from some key injuries. While I’m sure Jason Campbell can win you a game, he hasn’t been doing so now. While I’m willing to bet that this would improve if Kid Nastyman is cleared to play, I can’t see the Bears overcoming the balanced Minnesota game, leading to the Vikes winning by a possession and change.

Sunday Games, 4:30 p.m

Ravens (8-2, won v. Steelers) vs. Chargers (4-6, lost v. Broncos)

Here comes the firing train, this time stopping off in San Diego for Norv ‘Good Enough For Government Work’ Turner! Turner has always been a little wobbly as Charger head coach, but this season, which is all but lost at this time, is bound to lead to some heads rolling. If he wants to prevent his head leading the pack, Turner needs to win this game….

Which he won’t, because the Marlboro Man is capable of laying some serious points on anemic defenses. Even with the Ravens’ banged up defenses, they’ll most likely get a couple of sacks on Philip Rivers–and, as you know, when Rivers gets rattled, the Chargers lose games.

They’ll be losing this one, as the Ravens fly high over their opponent by two possessions.

49ers (7-2-1, won v. Bears) vs. Saints (5-5, won v. Raiders)

Chinks have been showing in the 49ers armor of late, especially when it comes to that embarrassing tie game with the Rams. On the other hand, the Saints have gotten their momentum back and are gaining even more with each passing week. This is the New Orleans team we all expected to see before the whole scandal went down. The big obstacle that might be in the Saints’ way is Colin Kaepernick. As good as Harbaugh’s unit is under Alex Smith, they may be better under Kaepernick. The back-up gives the team a degree of unpredictability that might be just the edge the 49ers need to pull this win out. And the reason why Harbaugh is waffling about announcing his starter might be because of this. I suspect that this wildness will end up giving San Fran its eighth win by a possession or less.

Rams (3-6-1, lost v. Paper Planes) vs. Cardinals (4-6, lost v. Falcons)

Don’t think we haven’t forgotten that stop the firing train has at Phoenix…and judging from the way Ken Wisenhunt behaved last week, he’s welcoming the chance to get on. The Cardinals are a thorough mess, and it’ll be a miracle if they even get within a mile of the playoffs this time. This makes them an excellent confidence booster for St. Louis, still smarting from being beaten by the Paper Planes. Expect the Rams to clip Arizona’s wings by a good two possessions.

Sunday Game 8:30 p.m.

Packers (7-3, won vs. Lions) vs. Giants (6-4, Bye Week)

Do you hear that ticking noise in the background? That’s the Giants’ internal clock signifying the beginning of Playoff Hunting Time. And when Big Blue is Playoff Hunting, they suddenly become an entirely different team. I can’t think that this team wants this season, potentially the last one before Coach Coughlin retires, to spiral out of control into a shame shower. And given the Packer’s rather shaky play this season, it’s easy to go with New York by a possession and a half.

Monday Game 8:30 p.m.

Panthers (2-8, lost v. Buccs) v. Eagles (3-7, lost v. Native Americans)

Congratulations, Cam Newton–you get a real easy win this week, as the words of Coach Reid get drowned out by the firing train! The Iggles are thoroughly decimated, and I can’t see them getting any more traction. That last minute defensive coordinator change has been for naught, and even Andy seems desperate to get on that train and share a beer with Ken Wisenhunt, or maybe arrange to swap jobs with Norv Turner. Philadelphia, thanks to poor management and even poorer play, have become the unthinkable–a team that’s worse than Carolina. Expect Newton to do that stupid Superman thing about four times as the Panthers pull away by two possessions.

Thursday Night Games (Week Thirteen) 8:20 p.m.

Saints v. Falcons

This could be tough, and could go either way. But I think Atlanta is going to take this one to retain control of the number one seed by a possession.

See you next week.

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Oakland Raiders Diary #7 & #8 & #9 – The Conference Win, The Rookie Beatdown, & The Blowout

Nov. 15 All, Articles, Features, NFL, Oakland Raiders Diary, Sports 1 comment

Raiders 26 Chiefs 16.

I could sit here and write another Diary entry about how we went from 3-4 to almost out of playoff contention in three quick weeks. I could talk about how Palmer is only worth a damn when we’re behind and how McFadden got hurt just like I predicted. I could talk about how running backs continue to have field days against us and how we let Doug Martin run for 251 yards and 4 TDs. I could even talk about how we walked into Baltimore and got stomped.

But no. In an effort to switch it up, why don’t I just share my first memories of each of the teams we played in the last three games? You can read the stats and what went down in each of the games elsewhere this time. Let’s try to have some fun, although, the memories I have aren’t particularly great.

I’ve been a Raiders fan ever since I can remember. But I don’t remember actually paying attention to them regularly until 1992 or so. That season, the Raiders went 7-9 and the one memory I have was of their last game of the year against the Redskins. I was at my grandma’s and surrounded by family…Redskin fan family. When Nick Bell1 ran it in from the Redskins 5 to take the lead in the 4th, I was pumped. So pumped that my grandma warned me to calm down because she was afraid someone would attempt to punish me for rooting against the Redskins. I managed to calm down when the Redskins took the lead back, but when Vince Evans hit Tim Brown for the game winner, I pissed off the whole house. My dad would’ve been proud.

My first memory of the Chiefs though came from a football card. The card simply recapped the Raiders matchup against the Chiefs in one of the 1991 AFC Wild Card games, which the Chiefs won 10-6. As someone who only knew the Raiders had won the Super Bowl three times at that point, I was pissed. Why would the Chiefs stand in our way? Why did they let the Redskins (my most hated team at the time) win the Super Bowl [in 1991]? Looking at it now, the Chiefs even overcame the “it’s tough to beat a team three times in the same season” stigma to advance. Granted, the Bills scrubbed them out of the way the following weekend (not as bad as the Bills dominated us in the 1990 AFC Championship Game), but I still didn’t like it.

And while this isn’t my first Chiefs memory, it happened right after the trading card incident: Marcus Allen signed with the Chiefs as a free agent in 1993. Yeah, I know Al ran him out of LA. But at least have a little respect for your former fanbase and go sign in a different division! Peyton didn’t go running to the Titans after the Colts cut him. Reggie White didn’t head for Dallas, Washington, or New York after he left Philadelphia.

But Marcus went to Kansas City until he retired in 1997. And he burned us every chance he got. Not that Al didn’t bring this betrayal on himself. But point is Marcus Allen should have retired a Raider.

I hate the Chiefs.2

Raiders 32 Buccaneers 42.

Super Bowl XXXVII.

Do I have to?

Actually, my first Buccaneers memory is not of our defeat in the 2003 Super Bowl. In another tale of Sunday football at my grandma’s, I got to watch the early fall spectacle of the Redskins at Tampa Bay. While there were no ‘Skins fans around that day, I still delighted in watching the Redskins fail miserably. Errict Rhett ran all over Washington’s defense while Tampa held the Redskins scoreless in the second half. Plus the Raiders waxed the Eagles 48-17 that day, so I had no complaints.

When the Bucs got their new unifoms in 1997, my friend Matt got a Warrick Dunn jersey. While I’ve always disliked Florida St. you couldn’t deny the fresh new look after years of orange and red in Tampa Bay.

And SB XXXVII…our offensive line didn’t hold up, Rich Gannon was shook and we were facing one of the most dominant defenses in Super Bowl history.

And the Raiders traded away Jon Gruden for draft picks and 8 million dollars.

Sigh.

I’m fairly certain that the day after our third Super Bowl victory (and my first birthday) that Al Davis made a vow to himself. A vow that said no matter what, he would find a way to run the Raiders into the ground until the day he died (and a few after I’m sure). Let’s see: Run Marcus Allen out town? Check. Sign a player who was so talented he wanted to play both baseball and football and lose him for the beginning of 4 straight seasons (and ultimately forever)? Check.3 Fire Mike Shanahan so he can torture us for 13 seasons in Denver? Check. Hire a coach who returns the team to glory and then dump him because you don’t think he’s worth the money? Check. Fire Tom Cable after a .500 season after years of losing? Check. And if I could blame him for Hue Jackson being let go, I’d add that too.

It’s simple: Gruden built the 2002 Raiders team. Bill Callahan worked underneath him. Gruden inherited a good team from Tony Dungy and added the missing pieces. Vick took out the Pack in the first round of the playoffs. The Bucs overcame their Eagles demons in the NFC Championship Game. And the Raiders walked right into Chuckie’s waiting arms.

Not fair I tell you.

Raiders 20 Ravens 55.

I truly thought there was a moment the Ravens made their mark in my mind besides their escape from Cleveland in 1996. After an hour or so of research and thought, it comes down to a Raiders memory…of the 2000 AFC Championship Game…and Tony Siragusa taking out Rich Gannon.

Sure, the Ravens had another one of those go down in the record books defenses. Sure, they held us to 3 points. But Siragusa fell on Rich’s shoulder. He missed the rest of the first half and he wasn’t effective when he tried to come back in the third.

His replacement? Bobby FREAKING Hoying. The same guy who 1. went to Ohio St. who I despise and 2. is the trivia answer to “Who was the quarterback of the Eagles before Donovan McNabb?” He also is apart of a long tradition of backup Raiders QBs who completely suck.4 And despite everything that was going against him, Hoying still threw a touchdown to Andre Rison that was called back by a phantom offensive interference call.

If Gannon stays in, the Ravens may have still prevailed but I feel that Siragusa was sent to take him out of the picture. I’ve generally been indifferent to the Ravens over the years but remembering all the anger I felt back then is moving them back to my hated teams list quickly. I didn’t even get to watch the game because dad and I were in Winchester running errands that day. It’s a good thing I missed out I suppose. But with the low scoring game and all of those offensive weapons…maybe we’re looking at a 17-16 victory instead of a 16-3 loss.

Stupid Tony Siragusa.

Back to live action, the Raiders 2 game winning streak is now a 2 game slide. Three games out of first in the AFC West.

There’s no sugar coating this with hopes and dreams anymore. Home for the Saints, Browns, and Broncos; away at Cincinnati. 3-6. With N.O. improved and coming off their big win last week, I expect a loss. The Bengals have been up and down but they played the Giants tough last week and we’re on the road; another loss. Home for the Browns and we should win that one but it’s gonna come down to making less mistakes and putting Sebastian in field goal range consistently. And a rematch with the Broncos who trounced us in Week 4 will be another loss but hopefully more competitive.

Our record should stand at 4-9 by then and guaranteeing us another losing season.

And I know, I’m down on my team a lot. But if anyone’s allowed to be, it’s me. I just keep telling myself that one day I’ll be writing this feature about wins and playoff berths and maybe even…Super Bowl appearances. And all these years of losing will be worth it.

But until then, just win baby. Please?

Current outlook: 6-10.

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Moves Like Curtis: Down Goes The Big Ol’ Georgia Dragon? (Week 10)

Nov. 11 All, Articles, Features, Moves Like Curtis, NFL, Sports 3 comments

I know, I know…this is late, and there’s no intro.  I’m sorry…

Let’s get right to it.

Bye, Bye, Bye

Browns, Packers, Native Americans, Cardinals

Sunday Games, 1:00 p.m.

Chargers (4-4, won v. Chiefs) vs. Buccaneers (4-4, won v. Raiders)

Both of these teams are coming off of nice and easy, ego-boosting wins.  The Chargers probably need this game more, as it’s still conceivable that they could seize this very soft division.  However, both could make the playoffs if the chips fall right.  Given how tough Tampa Bay’s defense could be–we are talking about the team that almost beat down the Giants earlier this season–they could prove to be a difficult match-up for San Diego, especially given how easy it can be to rattle Philip Rivers.  This may be the key.  I’m going to go with the Bucs by a possession and a half.

Titans (3-6, lost v. Bears) vs. Dolphins (4-4, lost v. Colts)

The Titans are just wretched.  If it wasn’t for Matt Hasselbeck, I could easily see Tennessee being 1-8 like fellow AFC South bottom feeders the Gerbils.  Hell, if it wasn’t for Hasselbeck, there would be no hope in Music City.

On the other hand…the Dolphins continue to move in the right direction, even with the loss to Indianapolis last week.  I would not be surprised if Miami manages to steal a win away from the ailing Sucking Black Hole of Evil in their two tilts in the coming weeks.  They’re well coached, they’re exciting to watch, and their tendency to switch up defensive looks really puts opponents back on their heels.  This is a terribly lopsided contest, so expect Miami to net the win by two possessions.

Our Bitch (3-5, lost v. Texans) vs. The Sucking Black Hole of Evil (5-3, Bye Week)

You know, as wretched as Our Bitch is, they have a history of giving The Sucking Black Hole of Evil a black eye.  Of course, usually those games were ones where people like Drew Bledsoe was their quarterback and not Ryan Fitzpatrick, who is a goof.  As much as I am hoping for one of these massive, jaw-dropping upsets, I cannot think that this is going to be a massacre, and the Sucking Black Hole advances one more step toward their inevitable AFC East Division Championship by three or more possessions.

Raiders (3-5, lost v. Bucs) vs. Ravens (6-2, won v. Browns)

You know what’s interesting?  The Ravens are now what the Raiders used to be–a slightly disreputable team that still seems to bust up their opponents and reach the playoffs through a very nasty defense.  Of course, the problem now is that Oakland has become a total mess where every time there seems to be some hope that they’ll dig themselves out of the Culture of Losing, the team gets blown up yet again by the front office, and Baltimore…isn’t.  Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned here.

I can’t possibly see the Raiders taking this, unless the Marlboro Man and The Wall O’ Pain that is the Ravens Defense decides to underplay thanks to Oakland’s surprise decimation of the Steelers.  As with the usual way with this iteration of the Silver and Black, expect there to be some brief moments where it looks like Carson Palmer will pull off a win, only to let things get away from him and the Ravens snatching victory by two possessions.

Broncos (5-2, won v. Bengals) vs. Panthers (2-6, won v. Native Americans)

So Cam Newton managed to win one–and even better, won one against the team headed by the man who may be a better example of the kind of quarterback he’s supposed to be, Robert Griffin III.  This might hopefully save Cam from going down the Vince Young Road we thought he was going down…emphasis on might.

(Oh, and Warren Moon?  I love and respect you, man, but I wasn’t comparing Newton to Young because they’re both black, but because they seem to be unnaturally emotionally sensitive, okay?  If Cam came out a decade or so ago, I’d be comparing him to Ryan Leaf.)

And you know what else might save Newton from burning out and becoming a footnote in the history of the NFL?  Snatching a victory away from Peyton Manning.  The Broncos are at the top of the AFC West, but that may very well because they’re playing, ummm, the AFC West.  Manning has been playing well, but he’s not the overpowering engine of scoring he used to be.  The Broncos are beatable, and they could be beaten by the Panthers provided they get their stuff together.  And because I’m pulling for Newton to become less incoherent rambler and more a decent football player, I’m going to say Carolina can pull it off.  It’s going to be a high scoring game, with lots of lead changes…but I’m going to give victory to Carolina by a possession or less.

Giants (6-3, lost v. Steelers) vs. Bengals (3-5, lost v. Broncos)

The Giants are doing their usual thing, stumbling a bit as they hit the midseason, losing just enough games for New Yorkers to start grumbling about Coach Coughlin to be fired…just so they can set up the big run in the last leg and slide easily into the playoffs.  And, as such, there might be some expectations that Cincinnati might pull off a victory here.  This will be their big shock loss to a team they shouldn’t lose against.

But I don’t think so.  As much as I admire Football Spock, the Bengals have regressed quite a bit this season.  They’re in danger of not even being considered for playoffs, and may result in the end of the Marvin Lewis era.  Even with all the shaky play from Eli Manning and his receiver corps, I cannot see Big Blue not being the top dog in this fight.  Figure they will do another of those insane come-from-behind rallies to get the win by a possession and a half.

Lions (4-4, won v. Gerbils) vs. Vikings (5-4, lost v. Seahawks)

I wonder if the Lions have managed to get back on track too late…after all, while they weren’t looking, Minnesota has pulled it together and become a serious threat to take the NFC North.  Hell, given Green Bay’s struggles, this may be the best chance the Vikes have had for a while, sliding into a Wild Card behind Chicago.  It’s only a question of keeping up the momentum they’ve had for the first half on to the end.

And while the Lions may have lost their first match-up with the Vikes, they have won three of their last four games and they can also make the playoffs.  But to do this, they must win this game and rise above .500.  Plus, just as the Lions won their last two games, the Vikes have dropped their last two games to respectable teams.  I’m going to keep pulling for Detroit and say, after a knock down, drag out battle, they’ll win after a possession.

Falcons (8-0, won v. Cowboys) vs. Saints (3-5, won v. Eagles)

This is the worst possible time for the Falcons to be running into the Saints.  New Orleans is finding its footing, and is desperate to re-establish itself as an elite group.  And on paper, a finally alive and awake Saints should give any team nightmares and the Dirty Birds rolling in right now might look like a holiday feast for Drew Brees and company…

…because one of the great secrets is how the longer a streak like this goes on, the harder the loss will be.  And I can’t help thinking that Atlanta might underprepare for this match-up, assuming their usual arch-enemies are the easy pickings of their last meeting and not the more super-charged group that carved up the Eagles last week.  I’m calling for New Orleans–who are playing in their home in front of some of the most raucous, supportive fans in the division, have won three of their last four, and who absolutely need this game to see the playoffs–to be the one to slay the big ol’ Georgia Dragon by two possessions.

Sunday Games 4:30 p.m.

Paper Planes (3-5, Bye Week) vs. Seahawks (5-4, won v.Vikings)

And so my personal pain continues…

To my surprise, the Paper Planes could make the playoffs given their strength of schedule and the overall weakness of the second-tier AFC teams.  But my beloved team has so many problems in so many areas that I cannot see them winning enough games to raise them over the .500 mark; by my estimation, the Planes can only win three, maybe four games in this final half of this season.  And I’m dreading the massacre as Woody Johnson will end up firing, trading or releasing a number of people–including Mark Sanchez, on whose shoulders this poor performance will be laid upon, and whose fault this is not.

And this tour of torment begins with a trip to Seattle, a place where the Planes have never done well.  Hell, you can consider the last time the ‘Hawks met us was when Brett ‘The Penis Mailer’ Farve began to give up on us so he could get released and jump ship to the Vikings.  And that was a truly crappy Seattle team…this one is all fired up thanks to Pete Carroll’s coaching style and is actually going toe-to-toe with San Francisco for the NFC West.  This is going to be a lop-sided, ugly game with Russell Wilson (who apparently was on the Planes’ radar this past draft day) trampling all over us and leading the Seahawks to win and win big by three possessions.

Cowboys (3-5, lost v. Falcons) vs. Eagles (3-5, lost v. Saints)

And on the flip side, the Cowboys must be licking their lips in anticipation of their tilt with the Eagles.

Philadelphia is in such disarray between the underperforming of its on-field personnel, the firing of team personnel and the reintroduction of a particularly hot seat under Andy Reid’s ass that the future is in doubt.  We might be finally witnessing the end of the Reid era the Eagles have been teasing for the last few seasons.  It will take a while to pull the team back together, and I sincerely doubt that the Eagles can function reliably this week…which means they’re excellent distraction fodder for an almost-as-in-disarray Dallas.  When all is said and done, the ‘Boys are in better condition at this moment than the Eagles, and they should win by about a possession and a half.

Rams (3-5, Bye Week) vs. 49ers (6-2, Bye Week)

Okay…on paper the 49ers should roll right over the Rams.  St. Louis looks outmatched on every level…except one.

Jeff Fisher.

Fisher may be working with terrible pieces, but he’s making the best of them, and that makes the Rams a dangerous opponent.  This could lead to a big upset that will cause all the sports media world to mewl like fat happy babies.  Add into the fact that Fisher has had an extra week to go all mad scientist on the 49ers, and I suspect this might be a big shock to the world, as St. Louis might squeak out a victory by less than a possession.

Sunday Game 8:30 p.m.

Texans (7-1, won v. Our Bitch) vs. Bears (7-1, won v. Titans)

Ooooooh…think of all the match-ups here.  Matt Schaub versus Kid Nastyman.  J. J. Watt trying to punch a hole through Chicago’s O-Line.  Arian Foster trying to break free of the dreaded Bears defense.  The possibilities for this to be the best game of the week are so tantalizing, that it’s no surprise that this is the marquee game.

Of course, someone has to lose this match-up, and someone has to go 7-2 at the end of the night.  I have to think that Houston will be the victor.  Wade Phillips’ defensive schemes are tougher than the Bears’ offense and, even though it will be a possession or less–hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if the winning point is scored by a single OT field goal–it’ll leave both team beat up more than a fight between two Brooklyn girls over the same guy at a backyard barbecue.

Monday Game 8:30 p.m.

Chiefs (1-7, lost v. Chargers) vs. Steelers (5-3, won v. Giants)

And, as is the tradition, the Monday Night game will be as sucky in direct proportion to how awesome the Sunday Night game is.  The Chiefs are dreadful, and are simply incapable of scoring against a strong defense–even a badly banged up one like Pittsburgh.  Now granted, Kansas City does fall under that weird ‘Crappy Teams Are Our Kryptonite’  aspect of Pittsburgh’s season, but I like to think that the last few wins have allowed Tomlin’s schemes to course-correct.  There is no way the Black and Yellow will allow themselves to be beaten up by the coughing, sputtering, varsity-like shell of a team that is the Chiefs.  Expect a two possession or more win for the Steelers.

Thursday Night Game (Week Eleven) 8:20 p.m.

Dolphins v. Our Bitch

Even this far into the future, I can see the horrors that are about to befall Ryan Fitzpatrick and his crew.  The chameleon-like, quick defense of Miami will shut down what little offense the Bills will muster, resulting in a possession to two possession win.

See you next week.

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