In the latest installment, our hero Tom takes us to Seattle to meet up with Seahawks Synod leader Paul Hermann! The long suffering Seahawks emerged as a surprise contender in the NFC last season; Paul explains why they have the tools to stay in the race for a Super Bowl crown! Also: Paul breaks down the Seattle 12th Man, how tough the comeback loss to Atlanta in the playoffs was, and how Russell Wilson is a &*$%!^$ robot! The NBA already screwed Seattle over again, don’t disappoint Paul and Tom by not pressing play!

Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #4: Russell Wilson Is A Bleeping Robot (Guest: Paul Hermann)

Related posts:

1. Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #3: The Secret Life Of Jerry Jones (Guest: Zach Joiner)
2. Moves Like Curtis: Russell Wilson is Unbeatable at Home in his Ugly Uniform (Week 14)
3. Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #2: …2013 Coaching Changes (Guests: Zach Joiner & Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)

The playoffs are the season for breakout performers, eternal moments, and dreams turned into reality. Conversely, the playoffs are also the season for disappointment, eternal shame, and nightmares fueled by choke jobs to last a lifetime. A Buzz-Saw tends to appreciate the latter.

Mike “the Buzz-Saw” Asti and George “the Howitzer” Gerbo dive right into the NHL and NBA playoffs, with a focus, on not only the teams still vying for a championship, but also the teams that are left with that bitter taste all offseason.

Your favorite sports genius’ are not alone on this installment, as they welcome Rich Miller of ESPN 970 Pittsburgh to the HBS ring. Rich coves the Penguins year round. And will give his insight on the Pittsburgh squad, dealing with soap opera like drama and pressure during their quest to sip from hockey’s holy grail.

Are the Red Wings capable of knocking off the Blackhawks, in another battle of historic rivals? How will New York vs. Boston look on the ice? And have the Los Angeles Kings switched into that 2012 playoff unbeatable swag?

As for those setting tee times on the golf course, the Toronto Maple Leafs are STILL one of sports darling cursed franchises (much to Mike’s enjoyment), and Alexander Ovechkin wins the honor of asinine buffoon of the week.

Over on the NBA side of things, did the Grizzlies truly earn their first ever conference finals trip or was it aided by a depleted Thunder effort? Realistically, is there any possible way Miami doesn’t repeat as champions? Can anyone but Carmelo score on the Knicks?

Tiger Tiger Woods ya’ll. Tiger is the 2013 Players champion. What does this mean in his pursuit of majors? Sergio Garcia whined to make the TW celebration that much better too.

They never choke. They NEVER disappoint. The Howitzer and Buzz-saw always conquer sports radio, one day, at a time…

The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Champions & Chumps (Guest: Rich Miller)

Related posts:

1. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – A Boiled Over Crock-Pot
2. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Freedom Of Opinion
3. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – June 12: The End Of The World As We Know It!

As the synod train rolls into episode 3, Zach “Spideydude” Joiner links up with our hero Tom for an hour discussion about America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys! Zach takes the reigns of GM as he explains what went wrong for the ‘Boys in 2012 and how they need to fix it. Also, don’t miss: The Defense of Tony Romo! The Slight Jabs That Aren’t Truly Jabs At Jerry Jones! And The Phenomenon Of Singles Awareness Day! Coming at you quicker than Dez Bryant can run a route, press play for your ticket to Dallas!

Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #3: The Secret Life Of Jerry Jones (Guest: Zach Joiner)

Related posts:

1. Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #2: …2013 Coaching Changes (Guests: Zach Joiner & Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)
2. Moves Like Curtis: The Podcast – Episode #1: Richard Seymour and the Oakland Raiders (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)
3. Moves Like Curtis: The Firing Train Is A’Coming! (Week 11)

It’s so nice and warm and fantastic outside and I want a boatload of fries and a massive body of water in which to swim! Tonight we are joined by Alex Byrom all the way from… somewhere where they speak English, but not USA English… English English. The kind with the neat accent. He also created some sort of game that’s fairly amazing, but I’m mainly concerned with the accent. We didn’t manage to get to the news this week (there was a LOT of talking), but the hilarity of making fun of a Brit was worth skipping all my hard won notes.

Factoid of the Week:
The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

Go to Hell, Dave

Words of Wisdom:
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright

Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 259 – Interview with a Vamp, er… Brit. (Guest: Alex Byrom)

Related posts:

1. Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 250 – The Humans are Dead
2. Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 248 – Horseshoes & Hand Mirrors
3. Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 253 – Surprise Butt Piercings

Here there be a finale! Make sure to catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 if you need to.

Best PPV: Extreme Rules

Ironically enough, the PPV that caused me to make a scene at my friend Moose’s home is my favorite of the season. Other than Big Show getting robbed of his WrestleMania redemption by accidentally stepping through a table in his rematch with Cody, there’s not much I had issues with (other than Cena getting beat on for 15+ minutes before he Super Cena-ed Brock into a loss). Punk and Jericho’s feud ended on a high note, with Punk retaining in a Street Fight near his hometown of Chicago, Orton got revenge against Kane for his ‘Mania loss, and Sheamus retained his World Title in a great 2-out-of-3 Falls match. And Ryback squashed some local wrestlers!

Honorable Mention: Royal Rumble. Again, this might be bias since I actually watched this full event and the fact that it was the first PPV I purchased since Extreme Rules. But this was a solid event from start to finish (other than The Rock getting a second chance to defeat Punk). ADR retained against Show, our boy Cena won an entertaining Rumble match (albeit a bit predictable), and Hell No beat Rhodes Scholars to keep the Tag Belts before Punk carried The Rock through the 20+ minute WWE Title match. And WWE creative just dropped the ball too many times with the rest of the PPVs throughout the season.

Worst PPV: WrestleMania NY/NJ

The problem with this year’s ‘Mania was the fact that it never felt like WrestleMania. The Shield v. Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show kicked things off okay and the Tag Team Title match and Henry v. Ryback weren’t bad either but it all train wrecked with Fandango and Jericho. Considering that this was Fandango’s first WWE match and it was on The Grandest Stage Of Them All, Jericho carried him the whole match. ADR and Swagger followed them but they weren’t allowed the time needed for the crowd to get into their match. ‘Taker and Punk did what everyone expected them to do: Steal the show, but with 2 more matches remaining after the match of the night, it was a bit worrisome. My fears were correct as Lesnar/Trips II bored the crowd to tears and then Rock/Cena II for the WWE Title tucked them into their graves. Sure, The Rock suffered an injury during the match but that’s not an excuse. And I blame Rock here fully for this travesty because our boy Cena just put in work with CM Punk on Raw a few weeks earlier. And maybe Cena didn’t try his best to carry Rock like Punk did in the previous PPVs. Maybe he knew how shitty things had gotten. Definitely the worst WrestleMania I’ve watched since I started buying them each year with XXVI.

Dishonorable Mention: Elimination Chamber. Aside from the SmackDown Elimination Chamber and The Shield 6-Man Tag Match. Everything else was pretty yawn inducing, including Rock/Punk II for the WWE Title. And according to Wikipedia, my dude Punk had Rock covered for 18 seconds. 18 seconds! But the referee was knocked out. Unacceptable.

Comeback Wrestler of The Year: Daniel Bryan

What do you mean Bryan had a great 2011-2012 season? He held the United State Championship and the World Title? So what. That doesn’t mean anything to me, considering I despised the guy for a large chunk of that time. Bryan’s work this season has been far more impressive.

Despite his loss at ‘Mania XXVIII, Bryan got over, as “Yes!” chants rained down upon him as soon as he stepped on the stage. His feud with Sheamus ended at Extreme Rules, so he set his sights on Punk’s WWE Championship. After a close loss at Over The Limit, he entered a feud with Kane, Punk, and former girlfriend AJ. This feud helped set up 2 more WWE Title matches against Punk, got AJ over as the WWE Universe discovered how crazy she is, and built the foundations of a feud with Kane that led to the formation of Team Hell No. He also managed to transition from a full heel to a ‘tweener to a face in a short matter of months effortlessly. Not to mention that he’s one of the top five technically sound wrestlers in the WWE today, he has an epic beard, and he’s dating a Bella Twin. If that’s not a comeback, I don’t know what is.

Honorable Mention: Sheamus. While The Great White did hold the United States Title and won his first World Heavyweight Championship in the 2011-2012 season, I didn’t expect this season to go so well for him. However, he held the World Title for 210 days before losing it to Big Show in October, defended the Title repeatedly against the best Raw and SmackDown had to offer, helped The Shield get over, and solidified his place as one of WWE’s best faces. Time will tell when his next Title reign will be but don’t be surprised to see him challenging for Wrestler of the Year next year.

Disappointing Wrestler Of The Year: Randy Orton

• Didn’t win any championship belts.
• Didn’t turn heel.
• Used primarily as either a jobber for mid-carders or someone who’s about to get a Title shot. Or used to squash heel jobbers. Or stuck in pointless tag teams that don’t even get opportunities at the Tag Belts.
• Suspended 60 days for second violation of WWE’s Wellness Program.

Before I joined the Punk bandwagon in 2011, there was Randy. It was sometime in 2008 when I realized he was no longer the corny Legend Killer from Legacy and had become a bonafide monster heel. I’d even go so far to say he was the first heel I rooted for since The Rock’s Corporation days in 1999. And to see him be so grossly misused to the point where he has matches where he’s barely interested…it sucks. Of course, WWE is playing it safe since Randy’s one violation away from being fired. But…does anyone know if they’re testing Dwayne each time he comes back? Just saying. If Randy goes to TNA, I’m watching Impact every week from now on. That’s a promise, jack.

Dishonorable Mention: Rey Mysterio. I’ve never been his biggest fan but I have always enjoyed Rey’s in-ring work. He was only active from July to March this past season but Rey didn’t look like Rey. Blame it on the injury he suffered that held him out for 10 months, blame it on the weight he gained, blame it on being teamed with Sin Cara, or WWE’s unwillingness to truly use him after his second Wellness violation but his whole season was ugly. Hopefully his next run will return him back to form, despite the bang up job Del Rio has been doing as WWE’s latino face.

Rookie Of The Year: Ryback

There’s no denying this one. And I’m going by how long he’s been known as Ryback for any of you out there screaming about Skip Sheffield. To go from squashing local wrestlers to a feud with Jinder Mahal to three WWE Championship matches with Punk and our boy Cena in less than a year…that’s pretty incredible.

And Vince’s love of monster wrestlers aside, he’s earned it. He’s gotten over, managed to get kids and adults alike to chant “Feed! Me! More!”, helped get The Shield over (he’s jobbed to them no less than 3 times and has been Triple Powerbombed the most out of anyone on the WWE roster), and has become one of the most consistent workers WWE has to offer. His season ended in disappointment with a loss to Mark Henry at ‘Mania NY/NJ but there’s no mistaking his impact since he arrived on April 6. His heel turn in recent weeks (that has come with a new catchphrase: “Ryback Rules”, which I love.) is only a shove in the right direction as he’s back in the WWE Title picture with a match looming with our boy John Cena at Extreme Rules.

The only knock against him is his injuring Punk in November and making me lose out for the whole month of December. You can’t win them all I guess.

Honorable Mention: Antonio Cesaro. Narrowly beating out Damien Sandow for a tie (due to WWE stagnating both he and Rhodes by refusing to let them win the Tag Titles), Cesaro showed an amazing amount of skill in the ring and on the microphone since his debut in April. His 240 day reign as United States Champion was the second longest Title reign of the season after Punk’s 300 days (or 434, never forget). His Neutralizer finisher is one of the strongest I’ve seen in a long time…

…but for some reason, WWE buried him at the end of the season, putting him on the pre-show of the Rumble, letting him get dumped out of the Rumble by our boy Cena, shoving him in the undercard of a weak Elimination Chamber PPV and denying him any type of WrestleMania moment by not having him on the card at all. His 2013-2014 season hasn’t started any better since he dropped the Belt to Kofi 8 days after NY/NJ. Hopefully, this isn’t a sign of his falling out of favor because I really dig Cesaro. I just hope WWE creative still does as well.

Worst Wrestler Of The Year: Brock Lesnar

I missed Brock’s entire first run in WWE and after a Wikipedia read, it looks like he was a lot more interesting then than he is now. The whole weekend in Miami last year, I heard two names: Brock Lesnar and Batista. Apparently, both had been resigned by WWE and were expected at either XXVIII or the night after Raw. While the Batista rumor never came to fruition, Brock showed up and F-5-ed our boy Cena into oblivion on the first Raw of the season. Their feud continued up until Extreme Rules, with Cena winning one of the most brutal professional wrestling matches in recent memory. Surely, this feud would continue to Over The Limit and beyond.

Nope. Instead, Lesnar broke Triple H’s arm the next night on Raw and then quit the company shortly after. And wasn’t seen again until he broke Shawn Michaels’ arm on the August 13^th Raw.¹ Limited appearances in his contract aside, 105 days with no Brock is stupid. The Cena feud was dropped as he picked up on Punk’s feud with John Laurinaitis for 2 PPVs. There has still been little mention of a return to it but with the WWE Title around our boy Cena and Brock’s new contract extension, one would imagine this is the year he gets the Gold back.

But overall? Three matches. 1-2. I haven’t watched the SummerSlam match but if NY/NJ was any indicator, I didn’t miss much. I just haven’t seen any of what made Brock so great during his first run. And with a third match with Trips on deck for Extreme Rules (this time in a steel cage!), I don’t expect my opinion to change. I hope this season sees him on television more and feuding with more than 2 wrestlers. I hope I get to see what made him The Next Big Thing. But all I’ve seen is The Big Bore and little else. And amazing manager work by Paul Heyman. I’m a Paul Heyman guy by the way.

Dishonorable Mention: Tensai. Poor Prince Albert. At least, that’s what he was called when I last saw him in WWE. After debuting the night after XXVIII, he squashed jobbers and scored wins over Punk and Cena in the following weeks. Then he started losing…the rest of the season. Then he got put into a tag team with Brodus Clay called Tons of Funk. Now he dances on WWE TV at least once a week. Maybe Ryback’s rise to main event status didn’t help but WWE creative stopped trying really quickly with this guy. They kept bringing him out like he was some big threat and then Santino would beat him in three minutes. He hasn’t gone away so at least his contract seems to be up to par but this run has been terrible for him. I hope he’s feuding with Brodus within a month or so.

Wrestler Of The Year: CM Punk

I promise you, I really tried to find a reason not to give this award to Punk. But after searching high and low, climbing a mountain, taking a nap, and watching the 2009 Star Trek movie², Punk ruled this season. From his Street Fight at Extreme Rules to stealing the show at NY/NJ with ‘Taker, the man could do no wrong. Adding Heyman as his manager only added to his work, as the two ran roughshod through the WWE from September until Punk walked away from the company (storyline) two weeks after ‘Mania. He faced all comers in the face portion of his season…and won. He faced all comers in the heel portion of his season…and found ways to retain his Title. He carried The Rock through 2 WWE Title matches. He put on a great match with The Undertaker despite suffering a legit injury during the proceedings. He rekindled his feud with John Cena from 2011 once he turned heel. He was instrumental in The Shield getting over as he and Heyman paid them and Brad Maddox to interfere in his Title matches later in the season. Plus he found time to help get AJ over and launch the Kane/Daniel Bryan feud/partnership. He played a part in Ryback’s rise through the ranks as well.

And he’s number one when it comes to promos, hands down.

And he’s the best technical wrestler in the company.

And he had meniscus surgery on December 4^th and was wrestling a month later (take notes Russell Westbrook).

And I’m a CM Punk guy.

Honorable Mention: Our Boy John Cena. Hear me out. Besides that crap match at NY/NJ, no one came closer to beating out Punk than our boy Cena. He allowed himself to get slugged on by Lesnar, feuded with Laurinaits and Big Show (which ended with Big Johnny’s firing), won the Raw Money In The Bank match, feuded with Punk for the WWE Title, helped get Ryback and The Shield over, feuded with Dolph for the SmackDown Money In The Bank briefcase, won his second Royal Rumble, and sub sequentially won his 11^th WWE Championship at NY/NJ. Not to mention the countless Raws and house shows he wrestled at during the season.

The man is a workhorse.

The man is definitely the face of the WWE.

I really want to see him as a heel again eventually.

And our boy John Cena worked his ass off this season.

With that, the first annual Promos By Hyphen WWE Year End Awards has reached its end. The new season is about a month in now, but there’s still almost a full year of WWE action left. New awards may be added, some Superstars will work their way either into or out of position to contend, but one thing remains: I’ll still be watching.

Don’t let me down WWE.

Related posts:

1. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 2
2. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 1
3. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues

Welcome to Part 2 of the First Annual Promos By Hyphen WWE Year End Awards. Make sure to read all the creamy goodness of Part 1.

Best Tag Team: Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan)

In the perfect segue way, the best thing to come out of the tag team division in years is Team Hell No. While it doesn’t stray from WWE’s formula of shoving popular singles wrestlers into teams, no one could have imagined how great they would become so quickly. From the anger management segments to the in-ring action, it doesn’t get much better than this. And what better way to continue to push Bryan without making him a true babyface too quickly? And surely, this cements Kane as a first ballot Hall of Famer. He took a character that had become a bit stagnant in recent years, brought back the mask, bounced back nicely from an early 2012 heel run, and then turned into one of the company’s top faces.

First ballot.

Honorable Mention: Team Rhodes Scholars. Another surprisingly pleasant pairing. WWE took burgeoning rookie Damien Sandow and linked him up with former IC Champion Cody and got gold (as well as a great porn ‘stache from Mr. Rhodes). While they’ve failed to capture the Tag Titles as of yet, you’d have to imagine it happening in the near future. In fact, I look forward to a summer of tag matches between the Scholars, Hell No, and The Shield. Which means WWE will probably do the opposite of what I’d like to see.

Worst Tag Team: 3MB (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal)

If Tons of Funk had been together a little bit longer, they would’ve ran away with this one.

I actually enjoyed seeing Heath Slater get beat every week on Raw leading up to Raw 1000. Despite the jobbing for legends, he was playing an annoying heel quite well. I was hoping this would extend to a push for a few United States Title matches and eventual placement into a heel tag team…but instead, we got the 3 Man Band. I’ve never liked Jinder and I feel like Wade Barrett is filling the only role McIntyre would be great at: arrogant heel from Europe.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t jobbing all the time. But that would lead me to complain about the state of WWE’s tag division and I’m saving that for Thomas to talk about on the next Slobberknocker Chronicles podcast. And even if they just lost Mahal and renamed themselves Two Man Rock Trip, I would enjoy their work more. But as 3MB? No, not good enough.

Dishonorable Mention: Tons Of Funk (Brodus Clay & Tensai). Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience. Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience. Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience.

Best Feud: The Shield versus the WWE

There’s no question The Shield has been a slight rehash of The Nexus storyline from a few years back. The only difference is this angle has been done completely right (and one of the best wrestlers of the angle didn’t get fired for choking on television). No matter who has been placed in the ring with them, magic always ensues. And it says something that Undertaker is already working with them as well.

I personally hope no one is ever revealed as the leader of the group and this lasts forever…but I’ll settle for a Tag Team Title run or three before the inevitable break up. The good news is that with Punk taking time off, we’ll probably still have The Shield around by fall, but don’t be surprised if our boy Cena is on the team that hands them their first tag team defeat.

Honorable Mention: Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez v. Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter. Despite the unlikely Chamber win for Swagger (I called that, in case you forgot), WWE creative actually uncovered gold by pairing Zeb Colter with him. They tortured ADR and Ricardo for weeks leading up to ‘Mania, even garnering a bit of regular press attention with Swagger and Colter’s “We The People” promos. And while their match at NY/NJ was cut a bit short, there’s still plenty of time for this feud to make its case for the 2014 Awards.

Best Match: CM Punk v. Ryback, Raw, January 7

Out of all the matches Punk had this season, there was no way he wasn’t going to be involved in this category. The surprising part is the fact that Ryback was his opponent. When the then-WWE Champion finally clashed with Ryback on the first Raw of January (in a make-up of their missed match from December’s TLC PPV), there was a lot at stake. Punk was returning from knee surgery, Ryback was getting his third Title shot, The Rock was at Raw…pretty much, anything could happen. With Cole and King hyping the match all night, anticipation was high by the time Punk and Ryback stepped into the ring.

It was close match throughout as neither competitor really gained an upper hand. Tables, ladders, and chairs were smashed, crashed, and dented as the battle continued. But then, Ryback downed Punk on the outside and was soon scaling a ladder towards the WWE Title. As his hands gripped it, the lights went out, and when they came back on, the monster was being assaulted by The Shield yet again. After another triple powerbomb, Punk was smiling as he ascended the ladder back to his Belt. And I was highly entertained.

Honorable Mention: Tie: CM Punk v. John Cena, Raw, #1 Contender’s Match and Big Show v. Alberto Del Rio, SmackDown, World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match. Any match that sees our boy Cena use a Hurricanrana and Punk deliver a (illegal) piledriver has to be a classic, right? Well, it does help that the wrestling leading up to those moves was damn near perfect. Our boy Cena retained his #1 Contender spot he won at the Rumble and went on to win his 11^th WWE Title. Punk went on to torture The Undertaker for weeks before falling victim to The Streak at NY/NJ and now he’s taking a much needed rest. These two have been delivering top notch work together since 2011 and I’m looking forward to more in the future.

Why Big Show and ADR you ask? Because no one expected Alberto to pull it out. He had only recently turned face and Big Show had retained successfully against Sheamus (see: T-Shirt rant above for the reason) at recent PPVs. And the idea of Big Show losing a Last Man Standing match to ADR on SmackDown was just silly (unless it’s WrestleMania).

But with a little help from Show smacking his head on the ring post and an overturned announcer’s table, Alberto Del Rio was our new World Champion.¹ And while it wasn’t a five star match by any means, it was just a fun watch, even a few days after it actually aired on Syfy.

Proceed to Part 3!

Related posts:

1. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 1
2. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues
3. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – WrestleMania NY/NJ (XXIX!) Preview (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)

Tensions are high and tempers are flaring lately all over the sports world. This is all right up Mike “the Buzz-Saw” and George “the Howitzer” Gerbo’s alley. With both the NBA and NHL in full on playoff mode, you better believe we are stock pilled with historic moments, controversy, and you guessed it, asininity.

Now in the second round, entertainment and action are at premium in the NBA. Are the Heat at all worried going to Chicago in a tied series? Ughhhh. And of course, should Derrick Rose return to try to upset the defending champs? The guys may groan and moan throughout this segment, but promise to get through it. Stephon Curry blasted 40 and 11, yet lost. Then in a full team effort the Golden State Warriors beat the Spurs, to even their series. Who has the upper hand? Can Kevin Durant keep throwing the Thunder on his back, despite a continued depleted supporting cast? Oh, and it’s Knicks – Pacers with Spike Lee in the stands and Reggie Miller on commentary. You can’t ask for much better than that.

From the hardwood to the ice, NHL teams are fighting for the right to claim Lord Stanley’s Cup. There’s been much brutality. There’s been much debate. Yup, it’s just another gauntlet that is the Stanley Cup Playoffs. How much trouble are the stacked Penguins in against the never say die upstart Islanders? Want controversy, or as we say on the Howitzer and Buzz-Saw Show, a Buzz-spiracy? This is the series loaded up with it. Does Sidney Crosby dive? Does Sidney Crosby whine? Is there a conscious effort by the league to lean towards 87 with calls? NBC “personality” and 500 goal scorer, Jeremy Roenick thinks so. Have the Kings been revitalized? Are the Red Wings dead? And Montreal and Ottawa HATE each other.

Mike conquers curing voice strains with pineapple juice, much like the Howitzer and Buzz-Saw conquer sports radio, one day, at a time…

The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – A Boiled Over Crock-Pot

Related posts:

1. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Freedom Of Opinion
2. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – The Eye Of The Storm
3. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – June 12: The End Of The World As We Know It!

I’ve wanted to do some type of awards article for the longest time now. Then that turned into doing an awards podcast, but Thomas and I never brought that to fruition (my fault, I was too busy making music). Then the idea got away from me until I realized what just passed: WrestleMania NY/NJ (XXIX!).

In the world of WWE, WrestleMania is the championship game. So, assuming that the season starts with the Raw after WrestleMania last year (when Brock Lesnar F-5-ed Cena) and continued up to the final scene of NY/NJ this year (Cena celebrating while giving The Rock his unjust due. I hated that match. Hated it.), there are a slew of things that happened in between.

So without further ado, I give you the Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards.

Best Championship:   WWE Championship

This one was a no-brainer. Not only did my favorite wrestler in the company hold it most of the season (CM Punk) but there really wasn’t much competition. Sheamus held the World Title (for too long) until October when he dropped it to Big Show. That belt’s seen some great matches since then but the window is too small of a sample size to really give it Best Belt precedence.

Punk defended his Belt successfully against Chris Jericho, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Daniel Bryan (3x), Kane, John Cena (4x), Big Show, and Ryback (3x) before dropping the Title to The Rock at the Royal Rumble. And that’s not including most of the defenses on Raw, SmackDown, and house shows throughout that period.

Punk put the WWE Title around his waist and ran with it, partly as a face (until he turned on The Rock at Raw 1000) and partly as a heel. And despite his lack of main event PPV defenses, there was no question who was the Best In The World when it came to the company’s biggest belt.

Honorable Mention: Intercontinental Title. Despite a weird 1 day reign for The Miz after NY/NJ, it actually changed hands 6 times and Cody Rhodes and Big Show were the only people to hold the Title for 30 days or less. It’s still the most prestigious minor belt in the company; I’d just like to see more of its holders move to the main event picture.

Best T-Shirt: Tie: CM Punk – In Punk We Trust, Paul Heyman – I’m A Paul Heyman Guy, Dolph Ziggler – It’s Not Showing Off

One of the coolest things about being a wrestling fan for me is wearing the same merchandise that the wrestlers wear to the ring. Since I’ve jumped on the Punk bandwagon, I’ve purchased every t-shirt and I’m getting ready to purchase his newest one. I’ve even considered the GTS hoodie he sported leading up to NY/NJ.

As far as the Best Shirt of the season goes, I couldn’t decide. If this was last year’s awards, Punk’s Best In The World tee would have been a runaway winner. But there’s no way I can not give props to Ziggy’s pink “Showing Off” shirt or Heyman’s pitch of being The Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless. And while Punk’s GTS and Knees2Faces shirts were good, they didn’t match his In Punk We Trust shirt that he wore for a large chunk of the season.

Honorable Mention: Tie: Sheamus – Brogue Kick Hooligans and The Rock – Soldier. Went with another tie since I’m basing this on shirts I’d actually wear. I actually considered getting Sheamus’ ode to the Brogue Kick shirt…until he got the one that followed it. And I can’t leave out The Rock’s Soldier shirt he had for Raw 1000. It’s a shame he didn’t give that design more burn when he returned in January.

Worst T-Shirt: Tie: Sheamus – Brogue Kick and any of Brock Lesnar’s shirts

I don’t know how much input wrestlers have about what goes on their shirts but Sheamus should have stopped this one. How do you go from a classy looking black shirt to a dingy looking gray one with a foot on it? In fact, I hold this shirt personally responsible for Sheamus’ fall from World Title contention to Randy Orton’s tag partner.

But don’t even try to justify any of Brock’s shirts. It’s bad enough that he’s a monster heel who can’t talk who only wrestled 3 times the entire season (and went 1-2 at that). But those shirts are hideous. His back tattoo and a weather vane? No thank you, Mr. Lesnar.

Dishonorable Mention: Triple H’s current shirt. While I defended him in my previous article, there’s never been a Triple H shirt that I’ve liked, just DX ones.

Best Promo: CM Punk, January 7, Raw

While he failed to continue his 434 day reign as WWE Champion, there was no promo cut this season that came close to this one by Punk. After defeating Ryback in a TLC match to retain his Title (with help from The Shield) earlier in the night, he and Heyman returned to the ring and talked shit. USA had to cut to commercial mid-rant but when we returned, Punk and Heyman were still in the ring goading. The arrival of the People’s Champion didn’t slow things down as he and Rock launched into a war of words for the ages. The results? The Rock called Punk Cookie Puss. Punk told Rock that his arms were too short to box with God. Advantage: Punk.

Honorable Mention: The Rock, Raw. Despite my efforts to find a date, let’s just say on one of the Raws that The Rock actually did appear on after Elimination Chamber, he and Cena met face-to-face for the first time since WrestleMania XXVIII. Cena was all business and delivered a good promo about how he needed to beat The Rock to right the downward spiral he had been in since last year’s ‘Mania. Rock, in one of the best promos he cut during this run, was all business as well but ended things with a definitive “I know I can beat you.” It gave Rock/Cena II a little jolt that was sadly not built upon leading up to NY/NJ.

Best Moment: CM Punk lays The Rock out with the GTS, Raw 1000

I was really close to giving this moment to the reformation of D-Generation X on this same show. But two things happened when CM Punk laid out The Rock that night: 1. Punk returned to true heel form for the first time since Money In The Bank 2011 and 2. I lost my shit.

Raw 1000 was a top notch Raw but with Rock’s announcement that he would get a Title shot at the Rumble and all the surprises of the night, our boy John Cena’s match with Punk for the WWE Title seemed overshadowed. I also was living with the fear that Cena’s win at Money In The Bank would lead to his 11^th WWE Title reign.

All the pieces were there. Punk, while competitive, didn’t look like he was going to come out on top in this match. Then Big Show interfered and Cena won by DQ but Punk retained. Punk let Big Show pummel Cena after the match, looking too exhausted or uncaring to help. Seeing this,¹ Rocky came out to the large pop to hit the Spinebuster on Show and the inevitable People’s Elbow…

…and then Punk laid him out with the clothesline. And I was jumping up and down.² And then Punk hit the GTS and Raw 1000 was over. But the second phase of Punk’s WWE Title reign had begun.

Honorable Mention: Tie: DX reunion at Raw 1000 and the birth of Team Hell No. As great as it was too see the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac in a WWE ring again, you can’t leave out the great work of Daniel Bryan and Kane this year in going from a regular feud to Tag Team Champions. Even their recent backstage segment before The Shield attacked them on Raw a few weeks back reeks of chemistry. The Tag Team division might be worse than the Divas at times but at least they got something right with these two.

This way for Part 2!

Related posts:

1. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 2
2. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues
3. Promos By Hyphen: The Blankety Blank You Love To Hate

Stephen is playing BioShock Infinite on hard mode. You can’t hack things. It makes me really sad. It also makes me sad that I SUCK at the game. FPS + Ashley = FAIL. Give me platforming or adventuring or puzzles… and I’m golden. Make me fire a weapon at someone that isn’t a really bad pixel with the title GoldenEye… and I fail miserably. I really like watching people play them, though! Elizabeth is the best companion EVER. A woman who gives you money… winning.

Factoid of the Week:
Acupuncture was first used as a medical treatment in 2700 BC by Chinese emperor Shen-Nung.

Doc Forgets Acupuncture Patient
$600 and a Banana
Cancer and Chips
Captain Hook Wasn’t From Samalia

Words of Wisdom:
“A man may esteem himself happy when that which is his food is also his medicine.” – Henry David Thoreau

Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 258 – Flaming Pants

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1. Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 250 – The Humans are Dead
2. Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 248 – Horseshoes & Hand Mirrors
3. Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 254 – Something About Butts

Ray Harryhausen
June 29, 1920 – May 7, 2013

“What if they’re more heroes like him? What if courage and imagination became everyday mortal qualities? What will become of us?”

Thomas and Derrick take a swashbuckling trip down memory lane as they discuss the Sinbad trilogy of Ray Harryhausen! From The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad to Sinbad and The Eye of The Tiger, the Boys Outta Brooklyn go in-depth on why stop motion animation rocks, why John Phillip Law’s version of Sinbad is a dick, and why Caroline Munro is the hottest woman ever! (7/9 Addendum: Shortly after posting this episode, we learned that Kerwin Matthews, who is discussed in this episode, passed away. This episode is respectfully dedicated to his memory.)

Better In The Dark – Episode #8: Trust In Harryhausen But Tie Up Your Camel

Related posts:

1. Better In The Dark – Episode #146: Rock the Sunset Delusion Where the Crimson Contenders Lie!
2. Better In The Dark – Episode #141: Better In The Dark Gets Reel-y Real!
3. Better In The Dark – Episode #139: Tom and Derrick vs. The Chinese Sherlock, the Drunk Guru, the Action Troika, the Sin-Eater, and the CGI-ed Lizard