Here there be a finale! Make sure to catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 if you need to.

Best PPV: Extreme Rules

Ironically enough, the PPV that caused me to make a scene at my friend Moose’s home is my favorite of the season. Other than Big Show getting robbed of his WrestleMania redemption by accidentally stepping through a table in his rematch with Cody, there’s not much I had issues with (other than Cena getting beat on for 15+ minutes before he Super Cena-ed Brock into a loss). Punk and Jericho’s feud ended on a high note, with Punk retaining in a Street Fight near his hometown of Chicago, Orton got revenge against Kane for his ‘Mania loss, and Sheamus retained his World Title in a great 2-out-of-3 Falls match. And Ryback squashed some local wrestlers!

Honorable Mention: Royal Rumble. Again, this might be bias since I actually watched this full event and the fact that it was the first PPV I purchased since Extreme Rules. But this was a solid event from start to finish (other than The Rock getting a second chance to defeat Punk). ADR retained against Show, our boy Cena won an entertaining Rumble match (albeit a bit predictable), and Hell No beat Rhodes Scholars to keep the Tag Belts before Punk carried The Rock through the 20+ minute WWE Title match. And WWE creative just dropped the ball too many times with the rest of the PPVs throughout the season.

Worst PPV: WrestleMania NY/NJ

The problem with this year’s ‘Mania was the fact that it never felt like WrestleMania. The Shield v. Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show kicked things off okay and the Tag Team Title match and Henry v. Ryback weren’t bad either but it all train wrecked with Fandango and Jericho. Considering that this was Fandango’s first WWE match and it was on The Grandest Stage Of Them All, Jericho carried him the whole match. ADR and Swagger followed them but they weren’t allowed the time needed for the crowd to get into their match. ‘Taker and Punk did what everyone expected them to do: Steal the show, but with 2 more matches remaining after the match of the night, it was a bit worrisome. My fears were correct as Lesnar/Trips II bored the crowd to tears and then Rock/Cena II for the WWE Title tucked them into their graves. Sure, The Rock suffered an injury during the match but that’s not an excuse. And I blame Rock here fully for this travesty because our boy Cena just put in work with CM Punk on Raw a few weeks earlier. And maybe Cena didn’t try his best to carry Rock like Punk did in the previous PPVs. Maybe he knew how shitty things had gotten. Definitely the worst WrestleMania I’ve watched since I started buying them each year with XXVI.

Dishonorable Mention: Elimination Chamber. Aside from the SmackDown Elimination Chamber and The Shield 6-Man Tag Match. Everything else was pretty yawn inducing, including Rock/Punk II for the WWE Title. And according to Wikipedia, my dude Punk had Rock covered for 18 seconds. 18 seconds! But the referee was knocked out. Unacceptable.

Comeback Wrestler of The Year: Daniel Bryan

What do you mean Bryan had a great 2011-2012 season? He held the United State Championship and the World Title? So what. That doesn’t mean anything to me, considering I despised the guy for a large chunk of that time. Bryan’s work this season has been far more impressive.

Despite his loss at ‘Mania XXVIII, Bryan got over, as “Yes!” chants rained down upon him as soon as he stepped on the stage. His feud with Sheamus ended at Extreme Rules, so he set his sights on Punk’s WWE Championship. After a close loss at Over The Limit, he entered a feud with Kane, Punk, and former girlfriend AJ. This feud helped set up 2 more WWE Title matches against Punk, got AJ over as the WWE Universe discovered how crazy she is, and built the foundations of a feud with Kane that led to the formation of Team Hell No. He also managed to transition from a full heel to a ‘tweener to a face in a short matter of months effortlessly. Not to mention that he’s one of the top five technically sound wrestlers in the WWE today, he has an epic beard, and he’s dating a Bella Twin. If that’s not a comeback, I don’t know what is.

Honorable Mention: Sheamus. While The Great White did hold the United States Title and won his first World Heavyweight Championship in the 2011-2012 season, I didn’t expect this season to go so well for him. However, he held the World Title for 210 days before losing it to Big Show in October, defended the Title repeatedly against the best Raw and SmackDown had to offer, helped The Shield get over, and solidified his place as one of WWE’s best faces. Time will tell when his next Title reign will be but don’t be surprised to see him challenging for Wrestler of the Year next year.

Disappointing Wrestler Of The Year: Randy Orton

• Didn’t win any championship belts.
• Didn’t turn heel.
• Used primarily as either a jobber for mid-carders or someone who’s about to get a Title shot. Or used to squash heel jobbers. Or stuck in pointless tag teams that don’t even get opportunities at the Tag Belts.
• Suspended 60 days for second violation of WWE’s Wellness Program.

Before I joined the Punk bandwagon in 2011, there was Randy. It was sometime in 2008 when I realized he was no longer the corny Legend Killer from Legacy and had become a bonafide monster heel. I’d even go so far to say he was the first heel I rooted for since The Rock’s Corporation days in 1999. And to see him be so grossly misused to the point where he has matches where he’s barely interested…it sucks. Of course, WWE is playing it safe since Randy’s one violation away from being fired. But…does anyone know if they’re testing Dwayne each time he comes back? Just saying. If Randy goes to TNA, I’m watching Impact every week from now on. That’s a promise, jack.

Dishonorable Mention: Rey Mysterio. I’ve never been his biggest fan but I have always enjoyed Rey’s in-ring work. He was only active from July to March this past season but Rey didn’t look like Rey. Blame it on the injury he suffered that held him out for 10 months, blame it on the weight he gained, blame it on being teamed with Sin Cara, or WWE’s unwillingness to truly use him after his second Wellness violation but his whole season was ugly. Hopefully his next run will return him back to form, despite the bang up job Del Rio has been doing as WWE’s latino face.

Rookie Of The Year: Ryback

There’s no denying this one. And I’m going by how long he’s been known as Ryback for any of you out there screaming about Skip Sheffield. To go from squashing local wrestlers to a feud with Jinder Mahal to three WWE Championship matches with Punk and our boy Cena in less than a year…that’s pretty incredible.

And Vince’s love of monster wrestlers aside, he’s earned it. He’s gotten over, managed to get kids and adults alike to chant “Feed! Me! More!”, helped get The Shield over (he’s jobbed to them no less than 3 times and has been Triple Powerbombed the most out of anyone on the WWE roster), and has become one of the most consistent workers WWE has to offer. His season ended in disappointment with a loss to Mark Henry at ‘Mania NY/NJ but there’s no mistaking his impact since he arrived on April 6. His heel turn in recent weeks (that has come with a new catchphrase: “Ryback Rules”, which I love.) is only a shove in the right direction as he’s back in the WWE Title picture with a match looming with our boy John Cena at Extreme Rules.

The only knock against him is his injuring Punk in November and making me lose out for the whole month of December. You can’t win them all I guess.

Honorable Mention: Antonio Cesaro. Narrowly beating out Damien Sandow for a tie (due to WWE stagnating both he and Rhodes by refusing to let them win the Tag Titles), Cesaro showed an amazing amount of skill in the ring and on the microphone since his debut in April. His 240 day reign as United States Champion was the second longest Title reign of the season after Punk’s 300 days (or 434, never forget). His Neutralizer finisher is one of the strongest I’ve seen in a long time…

…but for some reason, WWE buried him at the end of the season, putting him on the pre-show of the Rumble, letting him get dumped out of the Rumble by our boy Cena, shoving him in the undercard of a weak Elimination Chamber PPV and denying him any type of WrestleMania moment by not having him on the card at all. His 2013-2014 season hasn’t started any better since he dropped the Belt to Kofi 8 days after NY/NJ. Hopefully, this isn’t a sign of his falling out of favor because I really dig Cesaro. I just hope WWE creative still does as well.

Worst Wrestler Of The Year: Brock Lesnar

I missed Brock’s entire first run in WWE and after a Wikipedia read, it looks like he was a lot more interesting then than he is now. The whole weekend in Miami last year, I heard two names: Brock Lesnar and Batista. Apparently, both had been resigned by WWE and were expected at either XXVIII or the night after Raw. While the Batista rumor never came to fruition, Brock showed up and F-5-ed our boy Cena into oblivion on the first Raw of the season. Their feud continued up until Extreme Rules, with Cena winning one of the most brutal professional wrestling matches in recent memory. Surely, this feud would continue to Over The Limit and beyond.

Nope. Instead, Lesnar broke Triple H’s arm the next night on Raw and then quit the company shortly after. And wasn’t seen again until he broke Shawn Michaels’ arm on the August 13^th Raw.¹ Limited appearances in his contract aside, 105 days with no Brock is stupid. The Cena feud was dropped as he picked up on Punk’s feud with John Laurinaitis for 2 PPVs. There has still been little mention of a return to it but with the WWE Title around our boy Cena and Brock’s new contract extension, one would imagine this is the year he gets the Gold back.

But overall? Three matches. 1-2. I haven’t watched the SummerSlam match but if NY/NJ was any indicator, I didn’t miss much. I just haven’t seen any of what made Brock so great during his first run. And with a third match with Trips on deck for Extreme Rules (this time in a steel cage!), I don’t expect my opinion to change. I hope this season sees him on television more and feuding with more than 2 wrestlers. I hope I get to see what made him The Next Big Thing. But all I’ve seen is The Big Bore and little else. And amazing manager work by Paul Heyman. I’m a Paul Heyman guy by the way.

Dishonorable Mention: Tensai. Poor Prince Albert. At least, that’s what he was called when I last saw him in WWE. After debuting the night after XXVIII, he squashed jobbers and scored wins over Punk and Cena in the following weeks. Then he started losing…the rest of the season. Then he got put into a tag team with Brodus Clay called Tons of Funk. Now he dances on WWE TV at least once a week. Maybe Ryback’s rise to main event status didn’t help but WWE creative stopped trying really quickly with this guy. They kept bringing him out like he was some big threat and then Santino would beat him in three minutes. He hasn’t gone away so at least his contract seems to be up to par but this run has been terrible for him. I hope he’s feuding with Brodus within a month or so.

Wrestler Of The Year: CM Punk

I promise you, I really tried to find a reason not to give this award to Punk. But after searching high and low, climbing a mountain, taking a nap, and watching the 2009 Star Trek movie², Punk ruled this season. From his Street Fight at Extreme Rules to stealing the show at NY/NJ with ‘Taker, the man could do no wrong. Adding Heyman as his manager only added to his work, as the two ran roughshod through the WWE from September until Punk walked away from the company (storyline) two weeks after ‘Mania. He faced all comers in the face portion of his season…and won. He faced all comers in the heel portion of his season…and found ways to retain his Title. He carried The Rock through 2 WWE Title matches. He put on a great match with The Undertaker despite suffering a legit injury during the proceedings. He rekindled his feud with John Cena from 2011 once he turned heel. He was instrumental in The Shield getting over as he and Heyman paid them and Brad Maddox to interfere in his Title matches later in the season. Plus he found time to help get AJ over and launch the Kane/Daniel Bryan feud/partnership. He played a part in Ryback’s rise through the ranks as well.

And he’s number one when it comes to promos, hands down.

And he’s the best technical wrestler in the company.

And he had meniscus surgery on December 4^th and was wrestling a month later (take notes Russell Westbrook).

And I’m a CM Punk guy.

Honorable Mention: Our Boy John Cena. Hear me out. Besides that crap match at NY/NJ, no one came closer to beating out Punk than our boy Cena. He allowed himself to get slugged on by Lesnar, feuded with Laurinaits and Big Show (which ended with Big Johnny’s firing), won the Raw Money In The Bank match, feuded with Punk for the WWE Title, helped get Ryback and The Shield over, feuded with Dolph for the SmackDown Money In The Bank briefcase, won his second Royal Rumble, and sub sequentially won his 11^th WWE Championship at NY/NJ. Not to mention the countless Raws and house shows he wrestled at during the season.

The man is a workhorse.

The man is definitely the face of the WWE.

I really want to see him as a heel again eventually.

And our boy John Cena worked his ass off this season.

With that, the first annual Promos By Hyphen WWE Year End Awards has reached its end. The new season is about a month in now, but there’s still almost a full year of WWE action left. New awards may be added, some Superstars will work their way either into or out of position to contend, but one thing remains: I’ll still be watching.

Don’t let me down WWE.

Related posts:

1. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 2
2. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 1
3. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues

Welcome to Part 2 of the First Annual Promos By Hyphen WWE Year End Awards. Make sure to read all the creamy goodness of Part 1.

Best Tag Team: Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan)

In the perfect segue way, the best thing to come out of the tag team division in years is Team Hell No. While it doesn’t stray from WWE’s formula of shoving popular singles wrestlers into teams, no one could have imagined how great they would become so quickly. From the anger management segments to the in-ring action, it doesn’t get much better than this. And what better way to continue to push Bryan without making him a true babyface too quickly? And surely, this cements Kane as a first ballot Hall of Famer. He took a character that had become a bit stagnant in recent years, brought back the mask, bounced back nicely from an early 2012 heel run, and then turned into one of the company’s top faces.

First ballot.

Honorable Mention: Team Rhodes Scholars. Another surprisingly pleasant pairing. WWE took burgeoning rookie Damien Sandow and linked him up with former IC Champion Cody and got gold (as well as a great porn ‘stache from Mr. Rhodes). While they’ve failed to capture the Tag Titles as of yet, you’d have to imagine it happening in the near future. In fact, I look forward to a summer of tag matches between the Scholars, Hell No, and The Shield. Which means WWE will probably do the opposite of what I’d like to see.

Worst Tag Team: 3MB (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal)

If Tons of Funk had been together a little bit longer, they would’ve ran away with this one.

I actually enjoyed seeing Heath Slater get beat every week on Raw leading up to Raw 1000. Despite the jobbing for legends, he was playing an annoying heel quite well. I was hoping this would extend to a push for a few United States Title matches and eventual placement into a heel tag team…but instead, we got the 3 Man Band. I’ve never liked Jinder and I feel like Wade Barrett is filling the only role McIntyre would be great at: arrogant heel from Europe.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t jobbing all the time. But that would lead me to complain about the state of WWE’s tag division and I’m saving that for Thomas to talk about on the next Slobberknocker Chronicles podcast. And even if they just lost Mahal and renamed themselves Two Man Rock Trip, I would enjoy their work more. But as 3MB? No, not good enough.

Dishonorable Mention: Tons Of Funk (Brodus Clay & Tensai). Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience. Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience. Remember you’re not WWE’s target audience.

Best Feud: The Shield versus the WWE

There’s no question The Shield has been a slight rehash of The Nexus storyline from a few years back. The only difference is this angle has been done completely right (and one of the best wrestlers of the angle didn’t get fired for choking on television). No matter who has been placed in the ring with them, magic always ensues. And it says something that Undertaker is already working with them as well.

I personally hope no one is ever revealed as the leader of the group and this lasts forever…but I’ll settle for a Tag Team Title run or three before the inevitable break up. The good news is that with Punk taking time off, we’ll probably still have The Shield around by fall, but don’t be surprised if our boy Cena is on the team that hands them their first tag team defeat.

Honorable Mention: Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez v. Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter. Despite the unlikely Chamber win for Swagger (I called that, in case you forgot), WWE creative actually uncovered gold by pairing Zeb Colter with him. They tortured ADR and Ricardo for weeks leading up to ‘Mania, even garnering a bit of regular press attention with Swagger and Colter’s “We The People” promos. And while their match at NY/NJ was cut a bit short, there’s still plenty of time for this feud to make its case for the 2014 Awards.

Best Match: CM Punk v. Ryback, Raw, January 7

Out of all the matches Punk had this season, there was no way he wasn’t going to be involved in this category. The surprising part is the fact that Ryback was his opponent. When the then-WWE Champion finally clashed with Ryback on the first Raw of January (in a make-up of their missed match from December’s TLC PPV), there was a lot at stake. Punk was returning from knee surgery, Ryback was getting his third Title shot, The Rock was at Raw…pretty much, anything could happen. With Cole and King hyping the match all night, anticipation was high by the time Punk and Ryback stepped into the ring.

It was close match throughout as neither competitor really gained an upper hand. Tables, ladders, and chairs were smashed, crashed, and dented as the battle continued. But then, Ryback downed Punk on the outside and was soon scaling a ladder towards the WWE Title. As his hands gripped it, the lights went out, and when they came back on, the monster was being assaulted by The Shield yet again. After another triple powerbomb, Punk was smiling as he ascended the ladder back to his Belt. And I was highly entertained.

Honorable Mention: Tie: CM Punk v. John Cena, Raw, #1 Contender’s Match and Big Show v. Alberto Del Rio, SmackDown, World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match. Any match that sees our boy Cena use a Hurricanrana and Punk deliver a (illegal) piledriver has to be a classic, right? Well, it does help that the wrestling leading up to those moves was damn near perfect. Our boy Cena retained his #1 Contender spot he won at the Rumble and went on to win his 11^th WWE Title. Punk went on to torture The Undertaker for weeks before falling victim to The Streak at NY/NJ and now he’s taking a much needed rest. These two have been delivering top notch work together since 2011 and I’m looking forward to more in the future.

Why Big Show and ADR you ask? Because no one expected Alberto to pull it out. He had only recently turned face and Big Show had retained successfully against Sheamus (see: T-Shirt rant above for the reason) at recent PPVs. And the idea of Big Show losing a Last Man Standing match to ADR on SmackDown was just silly (unless it’s WrestleMania).

But with a little help from Show smacking his head on the ring post and an overturned announcer’s table, Alberto Del Rio was our new World Champion.¹ And while it wasn’t a five star match by any means, it was just a fun watch, even a few days after it actually aired on Syfy.

Proceed to Part 3!

Related posts:

1. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 1
2. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues
3. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – WrestleMania NY/NJ (XXIX!) Preview (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)

I’ve wanted to do some type of awards article for the longest time now. Then that turned into doing an awards podcast, but Thomas and I never brought that to fruition (my fault, I was too busy making music). Then the idea got away from me until I realized what just passed: WrestleMania NY/NJ (XXIX!).

In the world of WWE, WrestleMania is the championship game. So, assuming that the season starts with the Raw after WrestleMania last year (when Brock Lesnar F-5-ed Cena) and continued up to the final scene of NY/NJ this year (Cena celebrating while giving The Rock his unjust due. I hated that match. Hated it.), there are a slew of things that happened in between.

So without further ado, I give you the Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards.

Best Championship:   WWE Championship

This one was a no-brainer. Not only did my favorite wrestler in the company hold it most of the season (CM Punk) but there really wasn’t much competition. Sheamus held the World Title (for too long) until October when he dropped it to Big Show. That belt’s seen some great matches since then but the window is too small of a sample size to really give it Best Belt precedence.

Punk defended his Belt successfully against Chris Jericho, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Daniel Bryan (3x), Kane, John Cena (4x), Big Show, and Ryback (3x) before dropping the Title to The Rock at the Royal Rumble. And that’s not including most of the defenses on Raw, SmackDown, and house shows throughout that period.

Punk put the WWE Title around his waist and ran with it, partly as a face (until he turned on The Rock at Raw 1000) and partly as a heel. And despite his lack of main event PPV defenses, there was no question who was the Best In The World when it came to the company’s biggest belt.

Honorable Mention: Intercontinental Title. Despite a weird 1 day reign for The Miz after NY/NJ, it actually changed hands 6 times and Cody Rhodes and Big Show were the only people to hold the Title for 30 days or less. It’s still the most prestigious minor belt in the company; I’d just like to see more of its holders move to the main event picture.

Best T-Shirt: Tie: CM Punk – In Punk We Trust, Paul Heyman – I’m A Paul Heyman Guy, Dolph Ziggler – It’s Not Showing Off

One of the coolest things about being a wrestling fan for me is wearing the same merchandise that the wrestlers wear to the ring. Since I’ve jumped on the Punk bandwagon, I’ve purchased every t-shirt and I’m getting ready to purchase his newest one. I’ve even considered the GTS hoodie he sported leading up to NY/NJ.

As far as the Best Shirt of the season goes, I couldn’t decide. If this was last year’s awards, Punk’s Best In The World tee would have been a runaway winner. But there’s no way I can not give props to Ziggy’s pink “Showing Off” shirt or Heyman’s pitch of being The Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless. And while Punk’s GTS and Knees2Faces shirts were good, they didn’t match his In Punk We Trust shirt that he wore for a large chunk of the season.

Honorable Mention: Tie: Sheamus – Brogue Kick Hooligans and The Rock – Soldier. Went with another tie since I’m basing this on shirts I’d actually wear. I actually considered getting Sheamus’ ode to the Brogue Kick shirt…until he got the one that followed it. And I can’t leave out The Rock’s Soldier shirt he had for Raw 1000. It’s a shame he didn’t give that design more burn when he returned in January.

Worst T-Shirt: Tie: Sheamus – Brogue Kick and any of Brock Lesnar’s shirts

I don’t know how much input wrestlers have about what goes on their shirts but Sheamus should have stopped this one. How do you go from a classy looking black shirt to a dingy looking gray one with a foot on it? In fact, I hold this shirt personally responsible for Sheamus’ fall from World Title contention to Randy Orton’s tag partner.

But don’t even try to justify any of Brock’s shirts. It’s bad enough that he’s a monster heel who can’t talk who only wrestled 3 times the entire season (and went 1-2 at that). But those shirts are hideous. His back tattoo and a weather vane? No thank you, Mr. Lesnar.

Dishonorable Mention: Triple H’s current shirt. While I defended him in my previous article, there’s never been a Triple H shirt that I’ve liked, just DX ones.

Best Promo: CM Punk, January 7, Raw

While he failed to continue his 434 day reign as WWE Champion, there was no promo cut this season that came close to this one by Punk. After defeating Ryback in a TLC match to retain his Title (with help from The Shield) earlier in the night, he and Heyman returned to the ring and talked shit. USA had to cut to commercial mid-rant but when we returned, Punk and Heyman were still in the ring goading. The arrival of the People’s Champion didn’t slow things down as he and Rock launched into a war of words for the ages. The results? The Rock called Punk Cookie Puss. Punk told Rock that his arms were too short to box with God. Advantage: Punk.

Honorable Mention: The Rock, Raw. Despite my efforts to find a date, let’s just say on one of the Raws that The Rock actually did appear on after Elimination Chamber, he and Cena met face-to-face for the first time since WrestleMania XXVIII. Cena was all business and delivered a good promo about how he needed to beat The Rock to right the downward spiral he had been in since last year’s ‘Mania. Rock, in one of the best promos he cut during this run, was all business as well but ended things with a definitive “I know I can beat you.” It gave Rock/Cena II a little jolt that was sadly not built upon leading up to NY/NJ.

Best Moment: CM Punk lays The Rock out with the GTS, Raw 1000

I was really close to giving this moment to the reformation of D-Generation X on this same show. But two things happened when CM Punk laid out The Rock that night: 1. Punk returned to true heel form for the first time since Money In The Bank 2011 and 2. I lost my shit.

Raw 1000 was a top notch Raw but with Rock’s announcement that he would get a Title shot at the Rumble and all the surprises of the night, our boy John Cena’s match with Punk for the WWE Title seemed overshadowed. I also was living with the fear that Cena’s win at Money In The Bank would lead to his 11^th WWE Title reign.

All the pieces were there. Punk, while competitive, didn’t look like he was going to come out on top in this match. Then Big Show interfered and Cena won by DQ but Punk retained. Punk let Big Show pummel Cena after the match, looking too exhausted or uncaring to help. Seeing this,¹ Rocky came out to the large pop to hit the Spinebuster on Show and the inevitable People’s Elbow…

…and then Punk laid him out with the clothesline. And I was jumping up and down.² And then Punk hit the GTS and Raw 1000 was over. But the second phase of Punk’s WWE Title reign had begun.

Honorable Mention: Tie: DX reunion at Raw 1000 and the birth of Team Hell No. As great as it was too see the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac in a WWE ring again, you can’t leave out the great work of Daniel Bryan and Kane this year in going from a regular feud to Tag Team Champions. Even their recent backstage segment before The Shield attacked them on Raw a few weeks back reeks of chemistry. The Tag Team division might be worse than the Divas at times but at least they got something right with these two.

This way for Part 2!

Related posts:

1. The Promos By Hyphen 2013 WWE Year End Awards Part 2
2. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues
3. Promos By Hyphen: The Blankety Blank You Love To Hate

What began as an innocent few lines to the friend who got me to start watching The Walking Dead turned into a massive email fest about what will happen in tonight’s season finale. Her name has been changed to Lady Friend just in case she didn’t want her government out there. Email gold is what follows.

Kelen Conley: Who’s gonna die on Sunday

#1 – Herschel
I just don’t see him leaving the prison, I can’t. We talked about this.
#2 – Daryl
You’re gonna hate me for this one but his character arc seems to be ending with Merle dying.
#3 – Andrea
If she somehow lives through the Governor’s torture and makes it to season 4…I don’t know what I might do.
#4 – Carol/Judith/Maggie’s sister
If Daryl or Judith go then Carol can’t be far behind. The only way I see singing sister living is if she leaves before the battle starts.
#5 – Everyone in Tyreese’s party except Tyreese
They’ve pretty much made them expendable by not developing them much.

Who’s leaving before the war starts on Sunday

#1 – Glen & Maggie
I wonder if Herschel will perform the ceremony and then they decide to leave together…sounds so out of character for them but I could see it. But I doubt Maggie would leave if Herschel and less hot sister decide to stay.

I also have a strong feeling that we may go into season 4 with the group being down to Rick, Carl, Tyreese, Maggie, Glen, Michonne, and Daryl if they don’t kill him.

And the Governor’s not dying.

Lady Friend: #1 Agree.  I think he’s a goner.  I’ll be really surprised if this is wrong.

#2 It’ll never effing happen.  From what the internet tells me, if they kill off Daryl, about 8 million watchers of their “record-breaking viewers” show will be GONE if they kill Daryl.  I know the writers have done some goofy stuff, but they’ll never alienate that much of their audience.  NEVER.

#3 Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.  I feel like she’s served her purpose.

#4 Carol won’t go either.  What I said about Daryl?  Those same 8 million folks want her to hook up with Daryl.  They won’t NOT give fans that at some point.  I see next season, them getting together and they’ll kill her off then.  As for Judith, I’m on the fence.  On one hand, I see it, on the other, I can’t see them doing it because it’s a baby.  And for whatever reason, it kind of ups the intensity that they have a baby to try to keep alive.  Maggie’s sister, I feel like she should be a goner, but I feel like a saw somewhere that she is getting bumped up to a regular cast member.  Besides, it’s only a matter of time before Carl is tapping that a**.

#5 Agreed.  I think there is a slight chance that they will keep the sister around, but it’s not a very good chance.  I’d say 20%.

#1  Maggie and Glen won’t leave because there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks that Rick and the group can win any sort of war without them.  No way.  Beside the fact that he is stepping up to be a little more of a leader, she’s a badass.

I really don’t think that the death count is going to be as high as last season.  They had a LOT of extraneous characters on that farm.  And most of the characters have been more developed this season.  I do think there will be at least one “shocking” death, but I don’t think it’ll be some beloved character blood bath situation.

KC: Unless they fast forward a few years, Carl is at least 5 years away from getting that, zombie apocalypse or not.

I don’t really think they’ll kill Daryl or Carol but if we’re looking for a shocking death, I think it takes more than just Herschel. And we all know Rick is the main character, so he wouldn’t die.

I think the baby is a goner, they barely acknowledge her now, and the writer’s don’t want to deal with that. And if not Maggie sister becomes more of a regular, she needs to quit singing. It was cute when they found the prison but I’m over it. She needs to spread herself around if she wants to inspire hope.

The only reason I think Andrea makes it is because the writers like her character.

There’s no way they win the war period. The sneak peak from Talking Dead showed Woodbury busting through into the actual prison. I think the group has some form of plan (maybe they let out the walkers from other parts of the prison) but I still think Woodbury overruns them and they’re on the road again.

Maggie and Glen is the only romantic thing they have going for the show. Everybody else is just hooking up because it’s the end of the world. I feel like making sure they stay alive to come back in season 4 would be an option. And Rick said everyone had a vote in whether they stay or go.

I think more characters die than expected but last season did have a lot of stray characters. Maybe they’re banking on Tyreese’s group being taken out as the shock they’re looking for.

LF: That kid has to be 13 or so.  I, for one, know several people who lost their V-card at around that age.  (Dirty, dirty degenerates!)

I think Herschel would be shocking enough, honestly.  I mean, he’s the old, moral, voice of reason that Rick goes to for advice and it would destroy Maggie.  Plus, he lived through getting his leg cut off under the absolute worst of circumstances.

She does need to quit singing, or at least so much. But if they kill Herschel, I bet she at least cuts back on it.  I think the idea is that she does it for him.  You are horrible for saying that about her.

Ugh, the writers just need someone to make really bad decisions.  They can do that with anyone.  SHE DOESN’T HELP ANYONE AT ALL.  What’s to like?

I do think that corralling walkers is going to play into their plan.  And I bet they do better than expected.  I’m not sure if they’ll “win” per se, but I don’t think it’s going to be a blow-out and I bet they don’t leave for good.  If David Morrissey is coming back next season as the Governor, I really don’t think it’s going to be him chasing them all over Georgia.  I think he’s going to get his ass at least partially handed to him.  He’ll go back to Woodbury with his tail between his legs, torture the shit out of Andrea and try to re-group.  I think the point is for the group to make it look like they’ve left, but they are still there somewhere.  Element of surprise and not just with walkers.

Now that I think about it, I bet they do kill Tyreese’s sister.  And that’s what sets him off.  And gets him with Rick’s group somehow.  There’s another shocking death for you because it’ll eff Tyreese up so bad.

Also, Milton is a GONER.  And honestly, I’d like to see Rick’s group bring that Martinez or whatever the Hispanic guy’s name is.  Him and Daryl could be some sort of badass, zombie destroying duo.  But like Legolas and Gimli from Lord of the Rings.  Where it’s always a big penis measuring contest for zombie kills.  Could add a little levity.

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Some people take this wrestling stuff too far. 

“I hate CM Punk. CM Punk is a punk.” 

“CM Punk is a jerk. I can’t believe he brought up Lawler’s heart attack/Paul Bearer’s death.” 

“Triple H screws over X-Pac every chance he gets.” 

It’s called heat. Heel wrestlers want the crowds to hate them. Do you think its ideal for CM Punk chants to outweigh “Rocky” chants when the WWE Title is on the line? I don’t think so. They want you to hate them. And some wrestlers are so good at it, you can’t help but still cheer for them. 

One of my friends gives me shit about CM Punk every chance he gets. “Punk is gonna lose to the Undertaker. Punk is gonna get his ass whooped tonight. CM Punk isn’t very good at all.” Every time, I look at him and say, “It’s scripted. Would I want CM Punk to win all the time? Sure. But then I’d be complaining about how predictable the storylines are.” And still, he keeps right on talking about how much he doesn’t like him.

I think CM Punk peed in his Cheerios or something. This is all speculation of course. 

Our boy John Cena gets a good share of hate but for different reasons. “Cena can’t wrestle. Cena is always champion. Cena needs to turn heel. Cena always wins. Cena is doing his Superman routine again.” I too had my issues with our boy Cena for most of these things…until he had that match with Brock Lesnar last year at Extreme Rules. I always respected Cena carrying on the face of the company tradition that Hulk Hogan ran with in the 80’s and there’s no denying the work he’s done for the Make-A-Wish Foundation alone, but from 2005-2011, he was WWE Champion or World Heavyweight Champion every year, even holding the WWE Title for 380 days from 2006 to 2007 when he suffered a legit injury. Despite that incredible streak of staying relevant in professional wrestling, the fans turned on him because…that’s what fans do. But any man who has the balls to let Brock Lesnar beat on him for 20+ minutes has all my respect. He may be predictable but you’ll never hear me shitting on our boy John Cena anymore. It also helps that he’s had two classic matches with Punk in the past year and a half as well. 

But our boy John Cena will beat The Rock at WrestleMania for the WWE Title. And the hate will begin anew. 

The Miz was somebody who used to make fellow TricycleOffense.com co-founder Thomas spew venom every time he appeared on screen. When he held the WWE Title in late 2010 to early 2011, Thomas would throw all kinds of colorful language out, as if that would make Miz go back to the locker room. “He can’t wrestle. He’s boring. This is our WWE Champion? I like Alex Riley more than him.” I personally love Miz as a heel and have ever since he had that mini feud with Cena in 2009 when he debuted the first anti-Cena shirt worn on WWE TV. Not to mention the damn near spot on imitation he did of The Rock leading up to WrestleMania XXVII. I felt bad for him when WWE’s writers didn’t know what do with him by mid-2011. 

But now, I may be on the other side of the fence. While I don’t hate Miz the wrestler, I definitely hate Miz as a face. I know he’s only a face right now because The Marine 3: Homefront just came out but watching him toe the line between trying to be a crowd favorite and being his snarky, heel self is painful. And his terrible use of the Figure Four isn’t helping. Hopefully, he’ll get to return to his heel ways in due time but for now, I’m on the Miz hating bus. I did enjoy his interactions with Jericho and Wade Barrett on the last edition of Raw though. 

I hated Triple H when he became a heel in 1999 and DX became a heel faction. But since I missed a huge chunk of wrestling from 2000-07, I missed a large part of his heel run that he’s so hated for and I actually have enjoyed watching his matches. Mike “The Buzz-Saw” Asti’s hate of Triple H stems from the aforementioned horrible treatment of X-Pac at his hands and isn’t really rational but I’ll humor him for a bit.

The man has won the most major championships in WWF/E history. Sure, they recognize Flair as having 16 (he has 22 total) but Trips has the most with one company. 

He’s buried talent in the past. Some have said he’s never liked Jericho, he’s been accused of sending Umaga on the spiral that led to his WWE departure and ultimately his death, and he always seems to find his way into the best feuds, which normally results in his winning (like he will over Brock at WrestleMania NY/NJ). 

And he botches a lot of spots. 

In his defense, who cares how many major titles he’s won? WWE is about entertainment and Triple H can put on a show. He might not have the best move set or the best gimmicks or the best t-shirts (I still can’t find one I’d actually like to own) but when Trips hits that Spinebuster and then the Pedigree, forget about it. This is the reason he’s currently my Undisputed Champion on WWE ’13. And I know Asti will throw a mini fit when he reads that. 

He’s buried a lot of talent but he’s also put over a great deal too. The whole WWE is guilty of not making stars as of late, so why single Triple H out as one of the reasons why? When the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac joined DX when the stable turned face in 1998, their career profiles couldn’t help but be boosted. Same with Randy Orton and Batista in Legacy, no matter how many times Hunter beat them in matches later on. He also helped put over one of the most unlikely major title holders ever in Chris Benoit and that’s not something to sneeze at. 

Has he won a lot of matches that he didn’t deserve to? Sure. But isn’t that how professional wrestling works?

And yes, he does botch a lot of spots. I think more so when he was a regular worker, but a quick Google search produces tons of results about people complaining about his ring prowess. 

I will say though, at WrestleMania XXVII, when The Undertaker attempted that over the top rope onto his opponent on the ground move, his foot caught. And wasn’t nothing on his Earth capable of stopping the spill he was about to take. But Triple H caught him and made it look like a halfway clean move again. 

Any man who can catch The Undertaker out of the air in free fall doesn’t deserve to be bothered about the spots he misses occasionally. 

On the other hand, I don’t see too many people disliking Dolph Ziggler, at least not in the past 2 years or so. When he was a mid-carder and the writers were letting him languish, I didn’t care about him. But it was some time in 2011 when I noticed he was the king of bumps. And he just puts on great matches. I have no idea why he’s still holding his Money In The Bank briefcase but Ziggles time is now. And no matter how much heat he tries to draw, I always seem to catch the crowds cheering for him. There’s no denying his abilities and having him pound on our boy John Cena isn’t going to help his heat either. I really enjoyed his interactions with Zack Ryder on his YouTube show and it’s a shame that we won’t be seeing another serious feud between those two before Ryder’s inevitable release. But seriously, ask any WWE fan their opinions of Ziggler. If they say they hate him, they have to be under the age of 15.

But a wrestler who I haven’t been enjoying as of late is The Rock. That’s right, one of my favorite wrestlers of the Attitude Era and my second professional wrestling era makes me mad on a regular basis. 

The night he appeared on Raw in 2011 to announce that he was hosting WrestleMania XXVII was amazing. Thomas and I hung on his every word that night and I followed his run all the way to the night after WrestleMania when he and our boy Cena agreed to their match at ‘Mania XXVIII. In fact, he was the catalyst to why I even made the trek to Miami last year. I loved his promos when he was on TV, I loved his via satellite promos, and I laughed at every joke made at our boy John’s expense. 

But when he appeared on Raw 1000 and announced that he had been magically granted a WWE Title shot at the Royal Rumble, something flipped. CM Punk turned heel that night with a GTS to the Great One but something still didn’t sit right with me. 

The Rock was going to be WWE Champion again, just because he made time on his schedule to do it. 

So let’s get the fanboy reactions out of the way: “No, I want Punk to stay Champion forever. When did The Rock earn a title shot? There’s no way WWE puts the belt on somebody who can’t be/won’t be on TV every week. I don’t want Punk to lose!”

WWE did this to build up hype for their plans to do a Rock/Cena rematch at WrestleMania NY/NJ. I was among those who were surprised to see Cena lose last year; now we know why. What better way for our boy John Cena to get revenge by not only beating the Rock but also by reclaiming the WWE Title that’s eluded him for a year plus?

So much for once in a lifetime.

That aside, The Rock has been pretty un-electrifying during this run. He always seemed to come up short against Punk verbally and neither of their matches made him look strong at all. Punk pinned him cleanly at least twice at Elimination Chamber and technically beat him at Royal Rumble before Vince came out and restarted the match. When he’s entertaining the crowd, he’s great. But put a wrestler in the ring with him, he stumbles. Hopefully, our boy Cena will bring him back to form.

But that new WWE Championship belt sure is cool. 

I could go on to other past wrestlers like Hogan (he’s a dick and hated jobbing), Nash (said to be one of the reasons WCW got so bad due to booking control), Michaels (was a dick before he became born again), Bret Hart (Okay, I kind of personally hate him. Mostly because I missed his era and I don’t see what the big deal was. I do think the Screwjob was effed though.), or even Goldberg (always read he was a pain to work with, and he ended Hart’s career), but I feel like all of those guys were hated more for backstage reasons than what they did on camera. 

To sum everything up, we’re supposed to hate wrestlers. We’re supposed to want them to lose or win or hit somebody with a chair or marry the boss’ daughter. That’s all part of the game of professional wrestling.

And can you imagine wrestling without those guys? Or if the writers did exactly what we thought they should do every week? I don’t even think there would’ve been an interest in having two major wrestling promotions in the 90’s, let alone the idea of Hulkamania in the 80’s. We need to hate these guys so that we keep pouring our money into this product so we can see them get their comeuppance. Because, at the end of the day, the golden rule still stands: good guys beat the bad guys. Just make sure you tack “eventually” to the end of that in the case of pro wrestling and you have yourself a start for any promotion, big or small. 

But if I have to keep hearing about how much CM Punk sucks from my friend, my next column might be sent from a jail cell. 

Best In The World. 4 Life.

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1. Promos By Hyphen: Elimination Chamber Blues
2. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Cult Of Personality (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)
3. The Ryback Predicament

Summary: Walt and Walt Jr. get the old Aztec back from the shop. After spotting his Heisenberg hat in the back seat, Walt sells the Aztec impulsively and buys a Chrysler 300. Once he sees Jr.’s disappointment, he swaps his PT Cruiser out for a fresh Dodge Challenger. At Madrigal’s Houston offices, Lydia gets tipped off about a DEA visit just before Hank and crew show up. She leads them to Ron Forenall, and after they leave with Ron in custody, she calls Mike back to tell him she has no one to move the methylamine. Mike tells her he’ll send someone else. Walt gives Skyler more cash to launder and she responds by telling him she wants the kids out of the house. Walt blows her off and asks for a birthday party and a chocolate cake. The next day, Jr. has to beg Skyler to break Walt’s bacon into a 51. This also signifies that a year has passed in the series. Hank and Gomez are still trying to figure out the missing pieces of Gus’s empire and decide to follow Mike. Hank gets offered the ASAC job in Albuquerque and accepts. Walt leaves a cook with Jesse early so that he can attend his birthday party; Skyler instead fixes him a store brought meal. Marie tells  Hank about Skyler’s affair on the way to the White’s house. During dinner with Hank and Marie, Walt thanks them for their support over the past year; Skyler says nothing and attempts to drown herself in their pool before Walt saves her. Jesse goes to the Houston Madrigal to pick up the latest shipment of methylamine, when he and Lydia discover a tracker on one of the barrels. Marie and Hank agree to keep Jr. and Holly while Skyler recovers; Walt is livid that Skyler found a way to disobey him even though Skyler was trying to keep to keep the children safe from their criminal activities. Walt dares Skyler to figure out a way to stop the kids from returning home, and when she can’t, she says she’s only biding her time until Walt’s cancer returns. Walt gets a call from Jesse the next morning, who informs him Mike is ready to kill Lydia because he believes she planted the tracker. After a vote saves Lydia’s life, Walt says that the cooks must not stop. Jesse gives Walt a watch for a birthday present, which Walt uses to tell Skyler that she’ll come around as Jesse has.

Thoughts:

It’s pretty apparent after this episode’s cold opening that Walt is officially at zero fucks status. After returning (rather burning) Jr.’s flashy car in Season 4 because of Skyler’s protests, he is definitely beyond the point of caring about anyone other than himself now. Even though he still says things about his activities being for the family, he’s been completely won over by being the head of a criminal enterprise.

Lydia’s actions still seem super suspicious to me here. Even with just enough notice, she turns over her meth transport guy rather easily (and I’m sure he’s going to get added to the hazard pay roster). I have a feeling that she’s going to eventually turn on Walt, Jesse, and especially Mike, but she’s just biding her time until the right moment.

Skyler seems to be coming out of her early season coma as she starts challenging Walt about keeping the kids in the house. And actually, this is one of her more reasonable requests even though Jr. is sure to get pissy about it. Lord knows the Whites have had a hell of a year; them needing time to mend their marriage through everything that’s happened kind of makes sense…to everyone except Walt. He promptly smacks down the idea and instead asks for a party and a chocolate cake, like he’s not running a criminal enterprise and they’re just a normal happy family. Which in his mind, they sort of are.

Then for the third time in the series, we see Walt receiving a plate of bacon that gets broken into his age (this time at Jr.’s urging, Skyler ain’t have no time for that).

And we’ve reached the year point! 4 and a half seasons have taken place in one year’s time. This is a pretty ludicrous concept if you think about it. Mild-mannered Walter White goes from teacher and submissive husband to drug kingpin in a year? I’ll give you 18 months or 2 years, but not one! But in the world of Breaking Bad, nothing should surprise me.

At this point, Hank and Gomey are grasping at straws. None of Fring’s men will talk and the only lead they have is with air tight Mike. And I have a feeling Hank is going to cost himself his career over pursuing this case (and ultimately, his brother-in-law). He took the promotion but you know, Hank Schrader is one stubborn motherfucker.

And Skyler has gone from fear of Walt to total indifference in short order. From her “homemade dinner” to her after dinner swim to her smoking in the house at episode’s end, you can see she’s past her breaking point. All she wanted was the kids to be safe and Walt isn’t having it. It couldn’t have been that long ago in real time that Walt was ready to relocate the entire family. Maybe his cockiness is really shielding his fear of retaliation for everything he’s chosen to do in the past year?

As hard as it is for me to write these words, Skyler White was the star of this episode. The last thing I expected was for her to attempt to drown herself (poorly, but still). I expected her to act out somehow as she’s prone to do when she doesn’t get her way but spraying her family members with blood from slitting her wrist was probably a little overdramatic, even for her. But the line she delivered about waiting for Walt’s cancer to come back? STONE COLD. And it was one of the first times this season that Walt seemed truly affected by something going on around him.

Lydia is gunning for Skyler’s “Most Hated Woman on Breaking Bad” title and her “discovery” of a tracking device when Jesse arrives for the pickup only furthers her case. One of the amazing traits that Jesse has retained the whole series is his reaction when shit goes bad and this is no different here. I personally wish that Mike had been there (impossible with the tail and the fact he’s under suspicion as Fring’s right hand) just so he could’ve shot her in the head the moment she started freaking out.

But in order to stay in the meth business, they need Lydia, so I was super torn between Mike and Walt in their final confrontation of the episode. Walt winning out stays true with his invincibility mode he’s been flaunting all season but you still a get sense that this new meth partnership won’t be lasting much longer. This is probably another reason why Walt doesn’t want to stop cooking; he doesn’t want to start over with new partners and he wants to take as much advantage of their current situation that he can.

The watch was a classic Jesse gesture towards how much Walt means to him even though Walt continues to never reciprocate. But in what had to be the weirdest episode ending ever, the watch ticks loudly as Walt sleeps and then seemingly explodes as we fade to black. While Jesse (or Mike) could have planted some form of bomb in the watch, that just wouldn’t be Breaking Bad’s style.

The watch ticked down and blew up like bomb so it’s signifying the destruction of something or someone is the series.  Here are some thoughts:

• The final break between Skyler & Walt
• Jr.’s relationship with Skyler is ruined
• Maybe Mike killed Lydia behind Walt’s back
• Perhaps Jesse (or Mike) did plant a bomb in the watch
• Maybe Walt’s time on top is over
• The DEA finally broke the case open
• Or something happened to Jesse while Walt slept

All of this is mere speculation however, we could get to midseason’s end and still not know what it meant. Or maybe that wasn’t a bomb exploding…was it a gunshot? Did someone shoot Walt in the head? Skyler?!

I hate you Skyler.¹

Related posts:

1. Hyphenated Review: Breaking Bad – “Madrigal”
2. Hyphenated Review: Breaking Bad – “Hazard Pay”
3. Hyphenated Review: Breaking Bad – “Live Free Or Die”

I can’t get used to seeing The Rock with CM Punk’s belt around his shoulder. 

Yes, I know that Punk lost the belt to Rock at the Royal Rumble. I watched what happened live. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I am a CM Punk guy after all.

But so far Rock’s run as Champ has been pretty…meh. 

He won the belt at the Rumble, celebrated with the people the next night on Raw and  gave Punk his rematch for Elimination Chamber. He then took a week off with no explanation given other than us assuming he was handling movie stari business. He returned this Monday to tell a pretty hilarious story about buying a car from a crackhead when Punk confronted him. Rock told Punk to come into the ring, which subsequently lead to him getting a GTS and his belt taken. 

Some Champ. 

I haven’t been a huge fan of Rock’s run this time. His first Raw back in January, he called Punk Cookie Puss. His promo game was off and it just seemed like he was losing against the best promo guy in the WWE (that would be Punk). Not that going up against someone who’s had no real time off other than legit injury would be easy for anyone but come on!¹ This is The Rock we’re talking about! His picture is next to the word promo in the wrestling dictionary! 

But no, it’s not happening. Rock has constantly lost any war of words with Punk. While he has gotten much better since that first January encounter, any face off either ends in fisticuffs or Rock cursing incessantly at the former Champ.

And none of those things make for a strong face Champion. 

But we all know where this is leading: By the end of WrestleMania NY/NJ (WWE apparently thinks calling the thing XXIX is a bad idea), our boy John Cena will be the WWE Champion again. 

But we’ll get to that in a minute. 

What I’m really concerned about is how disappointing the Elimination Chamber PPV is going to be. I’ve watched faithfully for 3 years now and I love the Chamber matches. While last year’s SmackDown match was a bit boring other than creative teasing a Santino win, you really can’t go wrong with any six men you put inside the structure. 

And I won’t lie, I’m excited for the SmackDown Elimination Chamber #1 Contender match. If WWE was planning a swerve anywhere, it would be here. Ziggler is not in the match but I think his current hard-on for Chris Jericho will somehow lead to him interfering in a Jericho victory² or he’ll choose to finally cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase on Alberto Del Rio after he beats Big Show a third time this Sunday. If Ziggy cashes in, that would mean Jericho would have to win the Chamber. Right? Right? I’ve been wrong before though. 

But not having a Raw Elimination Chamber match? Even with The Shield versus Team CenaBackMus³ in the Chamber? 

Asinine. 

It’s bad enough that Rock wouldn’t go in the Chamber⁴ but to avoid the match altogether because “John Cena has to do something this PPV and we don’t want him in a Chamber match with the Rock when we plan on having their rematch at WrestleMania NY/NJ” is annoying. 

It just seems like a complete waste of time to even put the structure up for one match. They could have done a live SmackDown tonight with the Chamber Contender’s match and called the PPV We Don’t Want Your Money, Save It For WrestleMania. Because that’s exactly what I plan on doing. 

• While Rock/Punk II is a great draw, there’s no way Rock doesn’t walk out of the match still Champ. 
• ADR⁵ should retain against Show again but I really think Ziggler cashes in now. A Jericho/Ziggler feud for the World Heavyweight Title is okay in my book. Is it possible Show wins and then gets cashed in on again?⁶
• SmackDown Chamber match: All signs point to crowning Jericho. Which probably means Swagger will end up winning. Dark horse: Randy. 
• CenaBackMus vs. The Shield: Really? Really? Really? Do I have to put you in a weak figure four? CenaBackMus for the win.
• Kaitlyn vs. Tamina: I’m going with Kaitlyn just to leave hope that there might be a decent feud leading up to ‘Mania. But the Divas are so irrelevant anymore that I don’t know why I’m still typing about them.

Then you have Brock Lesnar hanging around. Apparently, Triple H isn’t ready to demand his ‘Mania rematch so until that time, Brock is chilling. And breaking hips.

And then you have this stipulation added to the WWE Title match that makes no sense: The Rock can lose the belt on a disqualification. So:

• Someone will come out and attack Punk i.e. Lesnar/The Shield/or someone we don’t expect and Rock will be disqualified. But then the match will be restarted AGAIN and Rock will win, AGAIN. Which gives him two wins over Punk that were handed to him with special assistance. And that makes him look weak going into ‘Mania against our boy John Cena. 
• Rock will do something borderline legit that gets him disqualified, something that refs never call a match for. It would be the opposite of the no-call on the 49ers last drive in the Super Bowl basically. 
• Or Lesnar comes out and is supposed to attack Punk, attacks Rock then Punk, then leaves with Heyman screaming his trademark “What did you do?!”⁷ 

Which brings us back to square one: our boy John Cena will be WWE Champion come April 8^th. He’s either going to get there by beating The Rock or CM Punk or both at the same time or a mystery challenger we don’t expect. But it will come to pass. 

After a year plus of CM Punk as Champ and then this interlude with The Rock, WWE is going to press the reset button. Our boy Cena as WWE Champ for the 11^th time in his career. And I don’t hate our boy Cena, I just get a little tired of the same old stories.⁸ And it doesn’t help the future of the company to put the belt on our boy Cena AGAIN. 

But it helps the bottom line now. And The Rock won’t be around as much after this round of WrestleMania. If anything, we should be celebrating the fact he can still compete at a high level at 40 years old.⁹ 

And I still have my fingers crossed Stone Cold will come out of retirement to face Punk at WrestleMania XXX. How wonderful would that be if Austin can still go like Rock can? Dreams are nice to have. 

But what will the WrestleMania card even look like? I’ll take a stab at it: 

• The Rock (c) v. John Cena v. CM Punk – WWE Title Match
• Dolph Ziggler (c) v. Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Championship Match
• Antonio Cesaro (c) v. Ryback – United States Title Match
• Wade Barrett (c) v. Mark Henry or Jack Swagger or Sheamus – Intercontinental Title Match
• Triple H v. Brock Lesnar – Stipulation Match (Perhaps Career on the line?)
• Maybe an Undertaker match but I heard he’s out of shape…
• And a Divas Title match (Either pre-show or mid-card. Maybe Team Hell No drops the belts pre-show or mid-card as well if they haven’t by then.) 

That’s a pretty boring lineup and that’s just off the top of my head without any research or consideration for current feuds. Not to mention the exclusion of Randy, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Big Show, ADR, and The Shield. But remember, if this comes to pass, you heard it here first. 

I could go to WrestleMania NY/NJ but I’m passing just because I don’t want to see Cena beat Punk for the belt live and/or I don’t want to see Punk in some meaningless match earlier in the card. It’s just amazing to see the corner creative has backed themselves into with their booking since Rock’s return. 

But at least we have Jericho back. And winning. Take that Radcliffe.

Related posts:

1. Promos By Hyphen: The Blankety Blank You Love To Hate
2. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – WrestleMania NY/NJ (XXIX!) Preview (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)
3. The Howitzer & Buzz-Saw Show – Buzzed With The Buzz-Saw: A Chamber Of Justice (Guest: Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley)

Originally posted at http://hymcfly.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-man-who-has-too-many-ideas.html

I wish you could put 100% effort into 1 thing…instead of 1000 different projects, you would be efficient & awesome at it. – @OfficiallyCHRIS

This was a tweet I got from my friend Chris the other day upon his reading of my three months late D-Why article for TricycleOffense.com. While it could be passed off as a dismissive compliment, it’s really bothered me for days now. He drove the point home further when we met up to watch football the following Sunday.

Essentially, he was saying that if I could manage to stop my mind from wandering from project to project all the time and focus on one thing, I would be great at it. The way I do things now, I have a lot of good projects, but nothing amazing.

As I’ve chronicled before, I planned on releasing The Mind’s Mixtape volume 4 and my first album, Soon You’ll Understand by my 30th birthday in January and then fading from the music scene completely,. After semi-persuing a career for the past 8 years, I wanted to focus on other things. Writing mostly, which is one of the reasons TricycleOffense.com was born. But I also wanted to start working on book ideas I’ve had on the backburner, podcasting, and myabe getting back to fanfiction for funsies. Stuff that would occupy me but also allow for me focus more on my relationships and bettering my life.

Recording was going well until this month. I have 7 or 8 songs of the album done and 6 or 7 of the mixtape. And I’ve had multiple opportunities to record and I just haven’t. I partially blame discovering The Walking Dead but really, it’s because my mind is always wandering.

Because it’s November, I considered trying NaNoWriMo again, even thought I’ve never completed a chapter, let alone 100,000 words. I’ve had multiple Victory Jumpoff Radio ideas even though I haven’t had a episode since the Aaliyah/Michael one. I’ve been mentally redesigning bhyphen.com, again. I played PS2 on Sunday and Monday instead of recording, even though my mic was less than 6 feet away.

But my biggest distraction has been writing for TricycleOffense.com. Currently, I have a weekly series chronicling the Raiders season (it’s starting to be a task), I’m 5 reviews behind on reviewing all of last season’s Breaking Bad episodes, I’ve been contributing the random WWE article here and there, and I write random articles. I’ve been trying to keep my production around 3 articles a week and at one point I was trying to do 5 a week.

On top of that, I’m the site’s webdesigner and main editor of all content that’s not mine. So while we don’t have too much content Monday-Thursday, Friday-Sunday I’m posting Trike House Party, Tom Deja’s Moves Like Curtis, and Geeks Of Gridiron.
Pretty much it’s overwhelming but only overwhelming in the sense of writing though. I can do the web stuff and editing in my sleep. But I can’t continue to write articles on a regular basis.

Back to Chris’ quote; I want to make these last projects great, not just good because I was doing 6 other things at the time. So I’m stopping everything that’s not music related.

• No articles.
• No podcasting (I might be convinced to do a guest spot or two).
• No fiction or fanfiction.

I’m still going to run TricycleOffense.com but if I don’t do something now, the music won’t be finished on time. And that has to be (one of) my main priorities. I have faith that the other writers will be able to carry the workload.

Meanwhile, it’s back to music mode. Thanks for your patience.

Related posts:

1. Hyphen’s Long Travelled Thoughts: Boyz II Men and Life After Evolution
2. Hyphen’s Long Travelled Thoughts: Why We’re Here
3. Hyphen’s Long Travelled Thoughts: The Dark Knight Rises Shooting

Raiders 26 Chiefs 16.

I could sit here and write another Diary entry about how we went from 3-4 to almost out of playoff contention in three quick weeks. I could talk about how Palmer is only worth a damn when we’re behind and how McFadden got hurt just like I predicted. I could talk about how running backs continue to have field days against us and how we let Doug Martin run for 251 yards and 4 TDs. I could even talk about how we walked into Baltimore and got stomped.

But no. In an effort to switch it up, why don’t I just share my first memories of each of the teams we played in the last three games? You can read the stats and what went down in each of the games elsewhere this time. Let’s try to have some fun, although, the memories I have aren’t particularly great.

I’ve been a Raiders fan ever since I can remember. But I don’t remember actually paying attention to them regularly until 1992 or so. That season, the Raiders went 7-9 and the one memory I have was of their last game of the year against the Redskins. I was at my grandma’s and surrounded by family…Redskin fan family. When Nick Bell¹ ran it in from the Redskins 5 to take the lead in the 4th, I was pumped. So pumped that my grandma warned me to calm down because she was afraid someone would attempt to punish me for rooting against the Redskins. I managed to calm down when the Redskins took the lead back, but when Vince Evans hit Tim Brown for the game winner, I pissed off the whole house. My dad would’ve been proud.

My first memory of the Chiefs though came from a football card. The card simply recapped the Raiders matchup against the Chiefs in one of the 1991 AFC Wild Card games, which the Chiefs won 10-6. As someone who only knew the Raiders had won the Super Bowl three times at that point, I was pissed. Why would the Chiefs stand in our way? Why did they let the Redskins (my most hated team at the time) win the Super Bowl [in 1991]? Looking at it now, the Chiefs even overcame the “it’s tough to beat a team three times in the same season” stigma to advance. Granted, the Bills scrubbed them out of the way the following weekend (not as bad as the Bills dominated us in the 1990 AFC Championship Game), but I still didn’t like it.

And while this isn’t my first Chiefs memory, it happened right after the trading card incident: Marcus Allen signed with the Chiefs as a free agent in 1993. Yeah, I know Al ran him out of LA. But at least have a little respect for your former fanbase and go sign in a different division! Peyton didn’t go running to the Titans after the Colts cut him. Reggie White didn’t head for Dallas, Washington, or New York after he left Philadelphia.

But Marcus went to Kansas City until he retired in 1997. And he burned us every chance he got. Not that Al didn’t bring this betrayal on himself. But point is Marcus Allen should have retired a Raider.

I hate the Chiefs.²

Raiders 32 Buccaneers 42.

Super Bowl XXXVII.

Do I have to?

Actually, my first Buccaneers memory is not of our defeat in the 2003 Super Bowl. In another tale of Sunday football at my grandma’s, I got to watch the early fall spectacle of the Redskins at Tampa Bay. While there were no ‘Skins fans around that day, I still delighted in watching the Redskins fail miserably. Errict Rhett ran all over Washington’s defense while Tampa held the Redskins scoreless in the second half. Plus the Raiders waxed the Eagles 48-17 that day, so I had no complaints.

When the Bucs got their new unifoms in 1997, my friend Matt got a Warrick Dunn jersey. While I’ve always disliked Florida St. you couldn’t deny the fresh new look after years of orange and red in Tampa Bay.

And SB XXXVII…our offensive line didn’t hold up, Rich Gannon was shook and we were facing one of the most dominant defenses in Super Bowl history.

And the Raiders traded away Jon Gruden for draft picks and 8 million dollars.

Sigh.

I’m fairly certain that the day after our third Super Bowl victory (and my first birthday) that Al Davis made a vow to himself. A vow that said no matter what, he would find a way to run the Raiders into the ground until the day he died (and a few after I’m sure). Let’s see: Run Marcus Allen out town? Check. Sign a player who was so talented he wanted to play both baseball and football and lose him for the beginning of 4 straight seasons (and ultimately forever)? Check.³ Fire Mike Shanahan so he can torture us for 13 seasons in Denver? Check. Hire a coach who returns the team to glory and then dump him because you don’t think he’s worth the money? Check. Fire Tom Cable after a .500 season after years of losing? Check. And if I could blame him for Hue Jackson being let go, I’d add that too.

It’s simple: Gruden built the 2002 Raiders team. Bill Callahan worked underneath him. Gruden inherited a good team from Tony Dungy and added the missing pieces. Vick took out the Pack in the first round of the playoffs. The Bucs overcame their Eagles demons in the NFC Championship Game. And the Raiders walked right into Chuckie’s waiting arms.

Not fair I tell you.

Raiders 20 Ravens 55.

I truly thought there was a moment the Ravens made their mark in my mind besides their escape from Cleveland in 1996. After an hour or so of research and thought, it comes down to a Raiders memory…of the 2000 AFC Championship Game…and Tony Siragusa taking out Rich Gannon.

Sure, the Ravens had another one of those go down in the record books defenses. Sure, they held us to 3 points. But Siragusa fell on Rich’s shoulder. He missed the rest of the first half and he wasn’t effective when he tried to come back in the third.

His replacement? Bobby FREAKING Hoying. The same guy who 1. went to Ohio St. who I despise and 2. is the trivia answer to “Who was the quarterback of the Eagles before Donovan McNabb?” He also is apart of a long tradition of backup Raiders QBs who completely suck.⁴ And despite everything that was going against him, Hoying still threw a touchdown to Andre Rison that was called back by a phantom offensive interference call.

If Gannon stays in, the Ravens may have still prevailed but I feel that Siragusa was sent to take him out of the picture. I’ve generally been indifferent to the Ravens over the years but remembering all the anger I felt back then is moving them back to my hated teams list quickly. I didn’t even get to watch the game because dad and I were in Winchester running errands that day. It’s a good thing I missed out I suppose. But with the low scoring game and all of those offensive weapons…maybe we’re looking at a 17-16 victory instead of a 16-3 loss.

Stupid Tony Siragusa.

Back to live action, the Raiders 2 game winning streak is now a 2 game slide. Three games out of first in the AFC West.

There’s no sugar coating this with hopes and dreams anymore. Home for the Saints, Browns, and Broncos; away at Cincinnati. 3-6. With N.O. improved and coming off their big win last week, I expect a loss. The Bengals have been up and down but they played the Giants tough last week and we’re on the road; another loss. Home for the Browns and we should win that one but it’s gonna come down to making less mistakes and putting Sebastian in field goal range consistently. And a rematch with the Broncos who trounced us in Week 4 will be another loss but hopefully more competitive.

Our record should stand at 4-9 by then and guaranteeing us another losing season.

And I know, I’m down on my team a lot. But if anyone’s allowed to be, it’s me. I just keep telling myself that one day I’ll be writing this feature about wins and playoff berths and maybe even…Super Bowl appearances. And all these years of losing will be worth it.

But until then, just win baby. Please?

Current outlook: 6-10.

Related posts:

1. Oakland Raiders Diary #1: 1983 Was A Long Time Ago
2. Moves Like Curtis: Introducing the New York Biplanes (Week 5)
3. Moves Like Curtis: No One Stops The Jugger…J.J. Watt! (Week 6)

I started watching the show Misfits after my friend Matt urged me for months on end to watch it and then he promptly stopped after I did. Misfits is a British television show in the vein of Heroes except with a smaller cast and more freedom to do what they want outside of America’s FCC guidelines. In honor of the fourth season premiering a few weeks ago, I wanted to share an article I originally posted on my blog last December. All the seasons are available on Hulu, including the new season’s episodes every Monday. The rest of this article…promises to get very confusing, very quickly.

Being the nerd fresh originator that I am and to prove that this is my actual blog, I want to talk about something serious today. Mainly, the timelines of Misfits.

The reason I think I’m even writing this is because I watched a Community episode OnDemand called “Remedial Chaos Theory”. In it, Abed tells Jeff that by rolling a die, new timelines are formed. Also, being the Back To The Future buff that I am, I couldn’t resist wondering how time travel played out on this new UK show that I can’t stop watching.

So in Series One, Curtis has the power to go back in time. The way I see it, every time Curtis goes back in time and changes something that already happened. He’s creating a new timeline. Try to follow along.

Also: SPOILERS.

In Series 1, Episode 1 (S1E1): Curtis uses his power for the first time after the probation worker kills Kelly. He only goes back in time a few minutes but stops Kelly from opening the door, preventing her murder. This begins Timeline 2.

Timeline 2 continues until S1E3 when Sally discovers Tony and Gary’s bodies in the boot (trunk) of her car. Curtis rewinds time and warns the others, resulting in Nathan smashing a brick into Sally’s windshield, preventing her discovery. Timeline 3 begins.

Timeline 3 lasts until S1E4 when Curtis goes back in time in the middle of the night. This is the first time any lengthy period of time passes while Curtis is in the past. I assume that since it is night, the other characters are in a stasis of sorts until Curtis returns to their present. Curtis goes back to the night he got busted with his then-girlfriend Sam to put things right so that she doesn’t go to prison. In his first attempt, she is stabbed and he flashes back again which creates Timeline 4. In this timeline, he avoids bad consequences befalling anyone and when he returns to the present, he is an Olympic hopeful again. Turns out that because of this, the other Misfits were killed by Tony minus Nathan due to his immortality. I like to also refer to this as Timeline 1A since it was the most likely result of Timeline 1 before Curtis’ interference. Curtis goes back again and makes sure he takes a fall but Sam doesn’t and creates Timeline 5. The only difference when he returns is that Sam is still his girlfriend.

Timeline 5 has several mini Timelines branched from it, mostly due to Curtis’ inability to break up with Sam. Every time he tries he feels guilty and flashes back to before he broke up with her. As no major changes took place other than their relationship not ending, I don’t deem it necessary to call any of these an official Timeline. When Curtis does finally end it with Sam, it is still Timeline 5.

Timeline 6 begins in S2E6 when Curtis goes back in time after Brian has killed all of the Misfits and several other storm-powered people. Brian was the first person to come out publicly with his powers and as the news snowballed, so did Brian’s limelight. Jealous, he uses his dairy manipulation powers (scarier than I expected) to kill anyone who gets in his way. Curtis is lactose intolerant and resists Brian’s powers. After Simon is killed saving him, he tells Curtis to go back and make things right. This is the first and only time we see Curtis use his power at will. Timeline 6 is created when Curtis tells the group about Brian and they arrive at his door with Curtis’ fist ending any future threat he had.

Now this is when my “other characters are in stasis” theory gets challenged. In this episode, Alisha tells Simon that Superhoodie was a future version of himself. The stasis theory would go with the idea that no one else except Curtis remembers the previous Timeline’s events unless told. Yet in the “Christmas Special”, Simon is well aware of his future self. One could assume Alisha told him again in the new Timeline since it’s never explicitly explained.

In the “Christmas Special”, Curtis sells away his time manipulation power and it is sold to an old man who plans to kill Hitler. Well…

In S3E4, the old man goes back in time to kill Hitler…with a knife. His attempt is stopped by Adolf and before the old man flashes forward to the present, he drops his cell phone. The old man returns to a Nazi-ruled Britain thanks to the technology he left in the past and makes Timeline 7. The power dealer, Seth, is captured by the Nazis and the old man gives the time manipulation power to him before he dies from his injuries. Seth is forced to give the power to Curtis, who then gets killed by the Nazis. The remaining Misfits turn on the Nazis to save Seth and when he’s dying from a gunshot, Seth tells Kelly he didn’t give the power to Curtis. He passes it to her thru a kiss and Kelly goes back to the day the old man dropped his phone. She headbutts Hitler and he drops it. Kelly retrieves it and flashes back to the present day where she sees the old man walking away, alive and happy. Welcome to Timeline 8.

Couple things though. Kelly walks into Hitler’s office right after the old man flashes out. He had to in order for Kelly to be there in the first place. BUT when he goes back to Timeline 7, he dies. Yet when Kelly creates Timeline 8, he’s alive. With this being the first time multiple characters have went back into time, it creates a paradox. The old man should not have lived. By living, it’s implying that he never received the power in the first place. But he did in Timeline 6. Unless Kelly goes back to a variation of Timeline 5 (or 5A). Then the old man doesn’t have the power but it would mean the Misfits would all have their original powers again (they don’t). I guess it was to give the old man a happy ending. Maybe I just didn’t care enough about him to see him alive again.

The other thing that bugs me is the passage of time. This episode takes place over the course of at least 3 days and according to my stasis theory, none of the other Misfits will know time passes unless told. But Alisha walks out of the locker room at episode’s end and asks her where she’s been which clearly acknowledges that time passed while the old man and Kelly were gone. Kelly is the only one who remembers Timeline 7 or Alisha would’ve mentioned something about living in a Nazi controlled setting. Maybe the writers just lost their heads since it was the final lines of the show.

And back to the old man not dying. If he remembers Timeline 7 along with Kelly, maybe, just maybe he lives. But then again, Kelly didn’t stop him from being attacked by Hitler, she just took the phone from him. The attack still happened, therefore the old man must die!

So there is the long and short of the Timelines of Misfits. I don’t plan on updating this unless the time travel thing becomes a regularly featured power again but you never know.

Related posts:

1. Hyphen’s Long Travelled Thoughts: Why We’re Here
2. Hyphen’s Long Travelled Thoughts: The Man Who Has Too Many Ideas
3. Hyphen’s Long Travelled Thoughts: Boyz II Men and Life After Evolution